Seasons
by Good-girl-turned-bad
Summary: Kid Blink and Spot are two boys who's circumstances keep bringing them together. Will fate pull them apart, or will love prevail? Please R&R. Slash content
1. Chapter 1

I was born Horatio Douglas Turner. Not a name I am proud of. My First generation Welsh father thought it was fitting to name for a child born with an obvious lazy eye. He always told me I might as well be named after a famous one eyed Naval officer. From a young age I knew I was different, in school they found this to be a great reason ignore me. And when nuns weren't looking they would push me around and call me every name they could think of. Not that they needed more reasons to pick on me.

My Parents were converts to the Mormon faith a few years after my sister was born, and they were trying to save up money and find passage to Utah, but every time they came close my father felt that he was to help another family and would give away all his savings. They still felt the need to provide me and my three older siblings with a Christian education. And so we were sent to a Catholic school.

I was always treated as an outsider and asked how many wives my father had. My parents actually had to explain to me what they meant since the practice wasn't an issue in our state. My father earned a decent living as a steam engineer.

When I was 6 my father received a "calling" from the church and sat us down to tell us he would be leaving the family home for a few months to help build the "Temple". My father was happier than I had ever seen him, but my mother burned with anger. She begged and pleaded with him to bring the whole family with him to Salt Lake Valley. After twenty years of waiting to make the trip she didn't understand why he wouldn't take us. My eldest sister Nissa was already married and with child. Britta was seventeen and worked as a seamstress, while my brother was sixteen and already working as an apprentice in a factory.

My father was making me stay in school in hopes that I would one day follow in his footsteps as a steam engineer, since my brother showed no knack for engineering.

* * *

My father left home the day before my seventh birthday. We heard seldom from him for the first few months he was traveling. My mother was furious with him for leaving and wouldn't respond to his letters. The money was tight and so mother took up a job at the dress shop Nissa worked for. We received word through my sister that Father wanted us to finally join him after I had turned eight. Mother was so angry, that while I was at school she sold most of our belongings and we moved from Queens to Manhattan in hopes he wouldn't be able to find us if he came back.

I started coming home from school to her lying on the floor. She had been drinking, something that was forbidden in our faith. The smell burned my nose and throat as I tried to lift her into her bed. She stopped going to work and there was soon no money to pay for school so I dropped out. Within weeks there was no money for food, but she somehow still had an influx of booze to fill her belly. I went out to the factories to try to find work for myself, but they all turned me down. I was too young and small for their work.

Finally when I visited a restaurant the owner offered me a job as a dish washer. I ran home to tell my mother the good news. When I got there she was passed out at the kitchen table. I tried to waken her but she wouldn't respond. A neighbor found some police and a doctor was brought in to tell me that she was dead. The policeman gripped my shoulder and informed me that I would be brought to a boy's home until my father or siblings could be contacted about taking me in. I gathered my belongings and everything of my mother's that I felt was worth something.

* * *

I was in the boys home for a week before I was informed that my brother had moved, that Britta could not be found and that Nissa had said she couldn't take me in. They could not afford another mouth to feed with their third child on the way.

Of course no one knew how to contact my father. I soon lost hope of ever leaving the place. Many of the boys were older than me, some seemed to be hardened criminals. Even though I was large for a nine year old it did nothing to save me from their taunting. An especially large boy who everyone referred to as Brick seemed to spend extra time thinking of ways to make my life hell. He would often follow me into the showers and shove me into the walls. He took food from my plate and then would shove me into door frames when he would pass me in the hall. When I tried keeping my food from him he grabbed my hair and pulled my head back. As he glared into my eyes he said, "Pretty boys never say no to me for long."

It was always crowded in the home. We slept on racks three levels high. There was a thin mat on each one, and a light sheet to cover with. In the winter it was so cold that the wool blankets they gave us didn't help. They were filled with holes an thread bare. Those were the times that I was glad us smaller boys shared a bed. With two of us curled up together we could keep warm enough to sleep. I shared my bunk with a boy a few months younger than me named Kyndall. He was an orphaned immigrant from Ireland. He hardly ever talked, but you could hear what remained of his accent when he'd talk. My first days there I fought hard to keep from crying. But at night when I was cold and lonely I couldn't help but let a few sobs escape.

On the second night as my sobbing caused the bed to shake slightly, I felt Kyndall roll over. He took his blanket and covered me with it. He placed his hand on my shoulder. I turned to look at him, I was afraid to see pitty in his eyes, but all I saw was love and concern. It caused me to cry even harder, Kyndall pulled me into a hug and a held me as I cried myself to sleep.

He was my only friend in the world.

* * *

One day after I had been in the home for three months there was an outbreak of scarlet fever. I don't remember much of being ill. I was told that for a while I was touch and go. I was kept in the sick ward for longer than the rest. There was usually a boy who brought me in some food. Typically it was a boy my age, one of the younger fellas, but I was always happiest when it was Kyndall who came through the door. My whole body ached from being in bed for two weeks with the fever. He asked me one day how I felt and when I told him, he pulled the sheets from my legs, rubbed them and helped me stretch them out and try standing. I quickly lost my footing but he grabbed me around the waist. We stood there for a moment while regained my balance. He was shorter than me, and skinnier, but was strong enough to help me to the bathroom to shower. As I took my first shower in well over a week, I turned to see if he was still there an saw him looking at me. He quickly looked away as we made eye contact, I couldn't understand why. As I stood there under the cool water I couldn't help thinking about him looking at me, that I wanted him to look. That was the first time I remember my body reacting without me wanting it too. I quickly grabbed the towel from the nearby chair, as I heard a stifled snicker from his direction. He helped me back to bed. The activity had worn me out, so we didn't say much. I told him I'd see him in a few days when they sent me back to my bunk. I remember him sitting at the foot of the bed as I drifted off to sleep. But about 3 days before I was moved out in came Brick, carrying my bowl of the nasty soup they fed us.

He had a disturbing grin on his face. He put a chair up against the door, under the handle. He sat on the edge of my bed and set my bowl on the floor. I looked up at him frightened.

"Keep quiet, and I'll make this quick and easy. Cause I like you kid." He said hoarsely as he placed his hand on my upper thigh. I quickly started squirming my way towards the edge of the bunk and into the wall. But his other hand clamped down on my arm. He pinned me to the bed and sat on top of me. His hand went to his pants and that's when I realized his true intent. I started screaming as loud as I could in my weakened state. It didn't help that I had a guy twice my size sitting on my chest.

As his hand clamped over my mouth I bit down as hard as I could. I could taste the metallic edge of his blood in my mouth and tried not to gag. He howled and jumped off of me and I could see his finger gushing red. He grabbed the chair nearby and started swinging it at me. I backed up towards the door trying to get away from him. He swung it at me and I ducked. As I turned to open the door and yell I felt the chair make contact with my bum eye and there was horrible pain and a flashing of lightening in my skull. I was on the ground looking up at him standing over me. He was holding his hand smiling at me. I could think of only one final action to make before I passed out. I aimed for his groin and felt a sickening crushing feeling under my foot. I heard the door open as he fell to the ground. And that was the last think I remembered for a long time.

* * *

When I awoke a week and a half later there was a bandage wrapped around my head. It covered my left eye and my left ear. The pain in my eye was horrible and my ear throbbed, but there was also a buzzing noise.

A kind blonde nurse came into my room a few minutes after I woke up. She smiled at me and told me that I had been brought to the hospital after my injuries, which were only made worse by my weakened state from the fever. She brought me in some broth to sip on. But as she helped me sit up my head spun, I grabbed my head to keep it from exploding. She called for the doctor who came in carrying a syringe. My world went fuzzy, but it was peaceful.

When I awoke again it was night. The new nurse came in to help me eat with a spoon. She was a real talker. She had a hundred stories to tell me about everyone else staying in her Ward. I smiled as I listened to her chatter. I couldn't help but feel at ease. There was just one problem, the buzzing in my left ear seemed to get louder and more distracting. When she laughed and got loud it felt like her voice was slapping me upside the head, right over my ear. But I couldn't ask her to stop or lower her voice. I was terrified that she would be the last happy soul I would see once they released me.

She could see the sadness crossing my face.

"What's wrong child, is there something I can do to make you more comfortable?" She cooed.

"I am just confused. No one's told me what happened, I remember being hit, but how long was I out? How long till I get sent back." I asked.

"Oh dear, I guess the doctor didn't get a chance to explain before you passed out. I'm really not supposed to say anything without him here." I could hear the worry in her voice, and so I tried to put on my best little kid face.

"Can't you please tell me what happened ma'am? I'd be ever so grateful if I just knew what was happening to me."

I could see the worry in the way she looked at me. She crossed the room and shut the door. Then she came back to the chair beside my bed and held my hand.

"The chair that hit you crushed the side of you face. The bone around your eye socket was shattered and it damaged your eye." She looked away from me as if she didn't want to tell me more. But I squeezed her hand pleading to know more. "The doctor decided it was too damaged and they had to remove your eye"

I gasped as I reached my hand up to the bandage; it explained the stabbing pain and the flashes of bright pain. I suppose the sensation of lightening must not be formed in my actual eye. "What about this buzzing in my ear? It's so distracting at times I can't even concentrate."

"They weren't sure if you ear drum had been damaged, but we will have to tell the doctor before they release you tomorrow."

"Tomorrow!" I yelled and soon regretted. "I can't go back there, not with Brick. He's gonna kill me if he sees me again."

"I don't know anything for sure, but I heard from one of the day nurses that the boy who attacked you was put into the prison. He had had a prior assault charge from a construction job he worked. Beat the man to death with his mason tools."

"I suppose that explains his nickname."

"Listen child, I know you don't want to go back. I'm worried about you getting hurt again. I know somewhere you could go, but it's a hard life. I'd hate to see you suffer a worse fate than you've been dealt. But the boys at my Uncle's place, they seem to make a decent living."

"What kind of work is it? Factory?"

"No, nothing that difficult, they are Newsboys."

Sadie the nurse hurried from the room after I agreed that I would prefer her option. She told me to rest while she went in search of some clothing for me.

* * *

When she came back 2 hours later she carried a satchel with her. There was a pair of pants that were too long and a pair of suspenders that were too big as well. After tying them around my waist and then looping them over my shoulder I was able to keep the pants on and up. A pair of scissors took off what was too long. The Shirt and shoes didn't fit much better. But when you are being dressed from clothing removed from the morgue there is not much you can do. She handed me a hat and a jacket which I pulled on quickly. She told me the bag contained some extra clothes she found, and maybe some others that I could trade a bigger boy. There were also some fresh bandages as well as some meds she sifted off other patient's doses for the night.

"Not if I can save a life while doing it."

I looked at the window and saw the sun beginning to rise. It looked beautiful from this height.

"Horatio?" She said loudly stepping in front of me. "Did you not hear what I said?"

"No, I'm sorry ma'am, I didn't realize you were talking till you said my name."

"Well we'll have to check your ear some other time. But for now we need to get you out of here. The next shift will be here soon. There is a back stairway that you can take down. Walk through the alley and on the other side, one block east you will see a restaurant named TIbbey's. Tell them you are waiting for Sadie Kloppman. I'll be there as soon as I can. Take it slowly though, I don't want you passing out on the way."

I sat in Tibbey's sipping on a water till she arrived. She bought me some breakfast. But she looked at me oddly as I folded my arms and prayed for my food, but she soon bowed her head as well. It was the best meal I'd eaten in 3 years. She told me a bit about her Uncle and some of the boys my age that lived there.

I tried my best to listen to her instructions but I kept fading in and out of the conversation. And every time I fought to focus, the buzzing in my ear grew to be a painful ringing in my head.

But in the end she paid for our food and we started on our walk down the street to her Uncle's lodging house. On the way she stopped us at a leather workers shop. I waited near an alley way. When she came out she handed me a small leather bag.

"A parting gift to help you get on your feet."

I opened the bag and inside was a few coins and a brown leather patch with a leather string attached. I held it up to where my eye used to be. Even though it was covered with bandages, I could tell it would be too big.

"You'll grow into it" She smiled and I couldn't help but smile back.

* * *

When we arrived at the lodging house I was surprised to be greeted by smiling faces of boys my age and older. It was a vast difference from the haunted look on most of the boys at the home. Sadie had to leave to get home to watch her children before her husband left for work. But she handed her uncle some change and the she had me put in my pouch. Then she kissed me on the cheek and left.

I heard the thundering of footsteps from boys running down the stairs. The sound made the buzzing in my ear become unbearable. And the next thing I knew there was a tan skinned boy with curly brown hair looking down at me. The rest of the boys gazed on and I felt like a freak laying there.

"I think you had a sknezure." He fumbled over the last word, but I understood what he meant. Another parting gift from my good friend Brick.

Another boy with a thick Italian accent came and helped me to my feet. "Boy kid, you sure blink fast when you was on the floor." A taller boy wearing a cowboy hat walked over and offered me his hand.

"Names Jack, you look like you could use some rest, why don't we help ya upstairs. Maybe when you're feeling better in a few days, Mush and I can show ya the ropes."

I smiled took their offer of help, when I got to the bunk I fell asleep within seconds. I felt more safe and at home than I had since the day my dad left.

* * *

Please read and review. This is my first Fanfiction in 12 years . . . I'm not sure if I've lost my touch. If people don't like it I will probably not add more. I've got several more chapters that I'm proof reading now. Hope you enjoyed it!


	2. Chapter 2

My name is Kyndall. I was born in Wicklow, Ireland. My Mamai and Dadai were very poor from the start. He was a day laborer. He would travel into Dublin during the week to work and come back home for the weekends. What I mostly remember about my early childhood is hunger.

Not the type of hunger that happens when you skip breakfast, but the type that leaves you too weak to move. So empty that you find yourself chewing pieces of food wrappers just for the taste, and to have something in your belly. On weeks that my father found work we feasted on bread, maybe even a piece of cheese from the farmers in town. Most other days it was a potato and onion in a stew.

When I was about 4 my father made me a sling shot. I was in awe. It was such a simple thing, but the more I played with it the better a shot I became. Soon after I realized I could hit birds off the roof, or off fences near the farmers land. I would shoot down a few robins or pigeons and bring them home to my mom, though they weren't very big they were meat, which was a rare treat in our home. Once I even got a rabbit, which was a cause for celebration in our house. My Mamai gave me a great smile and told me how proud she was. My Dadai was due home the next day, and so she helped me skin the animal and she made a grand stew with potatoes, carrots, onions and mushrooms. Grandad and Nanny Conlon even joined us for the meal. Little did I know that this meal would change the course of my life.

Dadai came home that Friday evening with papers in his bag. After we had eaten our dinner he pulled them out and set them on the table. We had never been able to afford for me to attend school in the town, so I had no idea what the papers said. He explained that we were going to be moving to America. He signed up with a ship building company based out of a city over there. They would allow him to bring the family over as part of his contract. We would have to leave in a month. I glanced at Mamai who looked shaken. I knew it had to be something to do with the bulge in her abdomen. My baby sibling was supposed to be coming in 2 months. I was told to leave the room, so I knew there was going to be words exchanged I wasn't allowed to hear. Not that I would ever repeat them, considering at that age I hardly said more than a sentence or two to anyone in a given day.

* * *

A few weeks later we had packed our few belongings and traveled to the ports for the trip over seas. We lived in the belly of a ship that was meant to transport goods. There were makeshift beds in different areas. There were 5 other families, 4 of which had kids. One had an infant boy, I liked to sit and watch them. I was excited for my mother to have the baby when we reached America. I sat day dreaming of holding a little brother and teaching him to shoot a sling shot with me. Two days into the journey several passengers fell ill. A few days later the baby died. The parents cried and the mother screamed when the Captain told her they would have to bury the infant at sea. It was a sad little service they held before releasing the crate with his body over board. Mamai was so ill over this period, that she hadn't even gotten out of her bed on the floor of the ship. During the night she began wailing and thrashing. Dadai called one of the other ladies over. The baby was coming almost a month early. Eight hours later my baby sister Maeve was born. She did nothing but scream as the ladies held her. Mamai was still too weak to hold her, so through the night they kept watch over her and the baby.

She was moaning and crying when I woke up the next morning. Father sent me above deck. After walking around to the front of the ship I finally saw my new home. It was hard to see much, but there were other ships and smaller boats that were closer to us.

The captain sounded a horn from somewhere on the ship. I was so happy to almost be there that I raced back to the stairs to where we were staying. As I reached the top steps I heard a scream, and halted. A moment later there were sobs. It wasn't a woman crying, and when got to our sleeping area, I saw my dad on his knees holding my mother's now limp body. I sunk to the floor crying.

My father was a practical man. He knew his wife was gone. He also knew he couldn't expect a barely Six year old to care for a newborn while he worked. So after only having been a big brother for less than a day, I held my little sister for a short time before my father took her from my arms and handed her to the McGinty family who had lost there son only days before. I understood enough to know that the mother would be able to feed Maeve, and that this was what was best for her. But I still cried. I couldn't even bring myself to speak her name.

After we had spent a few days going through the immigration inspections, we had to say goodbye to her one last time. I kissed her on the head and promised myself that someday I'd see her again.

Dadai started his job at the ship yard the next morning. We hadn't found a place to live yet. So I was forced to wait on the streets or in a restaurant while he worked. He didn't talk much, and he didn't seem to care about finding us a place to sleep. We spent most of our nights on the docks of our new home town. Brooklyn.

Things didn't get much better over the next 2 months. The weather started getting colder. And as snow began to fall a few weeks before Christmas he told me that they had no more work for him till spring. That he would have to find new work.

I heard him cry almost every night as I drifted off to sleep. I knew I was not good company for him. He was often angry with me. Mostly because I had not spoken since Mamai had died. Even as we buried her in America I could not bring myself to say goodbye.

Three days before Christmas Dadai told me he was bringing me to a boy's home to stay until he could find a place for us. All I could do was stare at him as he led me along city streets to a building on the far side of the city. The sign said "Refuge", and there were metal bars on every opening. I was in a state of shock that he was leaving me behind. As he said goodbye to me I just stood there crying. He placed my mother's St. Christopher medal around my neck and handed me a small package wrapped in red paper. He hugged me one last time and turned to leave. As he walked out the door I whispered my first words in months. And my last for almost five years. "Ta gra agam ort, Dadai." (I love you Daddy.)

* * *

Most of my time at the Refuge was uneventful. As you have probably guessed, my father never came back for me. I found myself falling into the routines there. I cleaned, I slept, and I ate very little. The only positive to the place was the hour of school we were made to attend every day. I learned to read and do a bit of basic math.

Other than the occasional big kid pushing me around or an adult who got upset with me for not talking, life went smoothly. I enjoyed watching the older boys; they played with old mostly deflated balls in the small fenced in outdoor area there.

As I got older, and was nearing 10 years old. I felt my life was changing. There was something different about me. Most of the boys my age would stand at the fence and watch for girls walking by and would whistle until one of the adults came out to threaten them. But I found myself watching them instead. I tried to hide my personal reactions when we would be in the showers, and would just race into a toilet stall to take care of my problem.

I was sure I was hiding my secret pretty well. But one day a new older boy arrived. I never found out his real name, but the boys called him Brick. I had heard rumors about what he'd done to a boy on the streets. Beaten him to a bloody pulp on a construction site. But I also knew that some of the tough guys tended to start their own rumors so people would leave them alone.

A few weeks after Brick arrived, there was another new boy. He was a few months older than me. He had dirty blonde hair. I couldn't help myself, and watched his every move. He was the first person that I spoke to since my father had left. It was odd hearing my own voice; my accent had faded from hearing the other boys talking for 5 years.

As the home was getting more crowded over the winter months, boys had to start sharing bunks. I told the new boy, Horatio that he could stay in mine. I couldn't help smiling that first night knowing that he was next to me. But part way into the night I woke up to his sobs shaking the bed, he was shivering as well. I put my blanket over him to help him stay warm and placed my hand on his shoulder. He looked up at me, his one eye staring directly into mine while the other seemed to gaze off into the heavens.

He started crying harder and so I embraced him. He curled himself into my arms and soon cried himself to sleep. I felt so much joy at that moment. Holding someone, expressing love, it was pure happiness. I was thankful he was asleep because eventually my mind drifted and my other brain began to take over. I bit my lip and slipped my arm out from under him and hurried into the bathroom stall.

When I exited I saw Brick standing there eyeing me and quick hurried back to my bed.

* * *

Over the next weeks I spent all my time with Horatio, who insisted I call him by his middle name, Doug. I sat and listen to him talk for hours on end. I would talk in response from time to time, just so he'd continue. And he always got a big grin on his face whenever my Irish tones broke through. He would tell me about his family and how he wanted to be an inventor some day and make a fortune. I told him of my dream to live near the ocean again and to find my sister.

I did everything with him; he was my first and only friend. Though I did learn not to shower when he was in there. It was a mistake I only made once, but as I tried to make a dash for the toilet I saw Brick's eyes on me once again, and I began to get worried. Would he tell an adult my secret? Would they tell the priest who gave me communion once a month? Would he condemn me to hell?

A few weeks later Doug fell sick with a fever, the first night he had it I could feel him shivering early on, and as morning approached he was soaked with sweat and delusional. They moved him to a room set aside for illness. I missed him terribly. I did my best to get assigned to bring food into him and the other boys in there. I even spoke to some of the adults, which I had never done before.

I stayed in that room scrubbing the floors; I took an extra-long time in there. I missed dinner as I sat there watching him breathe, and thrash in his sleep. I had a hard time resisting my instinct to go to him and hold him. I returned to the dorm area late into the night, Most of the boys were sleeping. I grabbed my sleeping clothes from their hook and headed into the bathroom to shower. I was almost finished when I heard someone behind me. I turned to see Brick standing there watching me. He wore only his long johns and a smirk on his face. I could see through his single layer of clothes, and knew what his intentions were. I grabbed my clothes thinking maybe I could make a run for it. But as I started moving he grabbed me by the back of the neck and shoved me into the wall.

I've done my best to block out the rest of that night's events. I know I hit my head hard at some point. When Brick was satisfied he stood up and said, "You better keep your mouth shut, Leprechaun. Or I'll take your boy too."

I hurt so much I could hardly move, and there was blood on the floor underneath me. I pulled on my night shirt over my long johns and pants, hoping to hide the blood. And I slowly made my way to my bunk and cried myself to sleep.

* * *

At meals the next day I couldn't eat. Every time I brought a bite to my lips I had to fight down the bile in my throat. Despite the pain I still did my best to get assigned to cleaning the sick room. He looked awful, I was scared to death he was going to die, and I would be alone again. I didn't eat for almost a week, and as the days passed I was starting to feel weaker. I finally got assigned to bringing food into him, I was happy since he was the only boy still in there. It was a horrible smelling soup, but not much worse than what the rest ate.

He was awake and when he said my name, I thought I'd pass out from the joy I felt. He looked a lot better than I'd seen him a few days ago. I asked him how he felt, and he just said his legs ached, but he wanted to get cleaned up a bit. I suppose 2 weeks of sweating with a fever would make you feel pretty dirty. The thought of helping him made my actions a bit rash. And I pulled the sheet from his legs and began rubbing them trying to work out the stiffness. I helped him stand but his legs didn't hold him well. So I put my arm around his waist to help him walk. It felt good to have him back in my arms.

As he prepared to shower I did my best to find something else to look at in the room. But as I heard him mutter "Mhmm." I couldn't resist the temptation any longer. And my gaze lingered on his form. Then suddenly he turned his head and looked at me. I quickly turned away and cursed under my breath.

I heard him turn the water off and looked towards him again I saw that I wasn't the only one who had a personal problem. And I stifled a laugh as he quick grabbed a towel. He dressed and I helped him back to bed. I sat at the foot of his bed until he said he'd see me soon and drifted off to sleep.

Later that night I saw Brick watching me again. I felt sick to my stomach again and ran to the bathroom to lose my supper. I did my best to hide myself in a group of other boys the rest of the night, even though I wasn't welcome.

* * *

Two days later we heard a ruckus down the hall. One of the adults yelled at us to stay in the dorm. I saw him rush to the sick ward and try to open the door. He ran back down the hall to get the Warden who broke the door down. I heard him tell someone to get a Dr. and the Police. I sunk to my knees trying not to cry. Silent tears ran down my face. Cops took Brick from the Refuge in handcuffs, his hand dripping blood. 15 mins later I saw a Dr. and his aide carrying, MY Doug out on a stretcher. They had towels pressed up against his head, and they were covered in blood. I pushed another boy out of the way so I could get closer to the stretcher as it passed. I reached out my hand to brush his and said, "Gráim thú."

I didn't eat again for days. I didn't deserve to live. Because I had avoided Brick the last few days he decided to use the person I loved instead, and had almost killed him.

Rumors spread around the Refuge the next few weeks, that somehow Horatio had run away from the hospital.

That's when I decided that somehow, some way, I was going to escape this place and find him.

* * *

What do you guys think so far? Please read and review if you want more. Debating if I should change the rating.


	3. Chapter 3

I paced along the gates of the Refuge. I knew I had to get out of there soon, or I'd have no chance of finding Doug. I wasn't one for planning and thieving like most of the other boys in the place.

Ten days after Doug had left there was a carriage driving into the courtyard of the home. There were 5 boys inside, they were locked in the back. Three of them were young like me, but the last two looked to be about 16. They both looked pretty roughed up. One of them helped the other down, he looked the worst off. He put his arm around the other boy's shoulders and limped following Warden inside. A few hours later they were escorted into the dorm I lived in by an adult. They looked to have gotten cleaned up and were wearing the night shirts we all wore. They made their way over to an empty bunk that was at the end of mine. They sat down together. The Blonde was looking around, checking everything out, he didn't seem to hurt, but the black haired boy just sat there gingerly touching his own face. He had a split lip and a black eye. By the way he walked I could tell his left leg was hurting, and the way he was breathing so shallow made me think he probably had a broken rib or two.

The blond made eye contact with me, he beccond me over. And I slid down to the foot of my bed. He stuck out his hand to shake and I took it. "I'm Topper."

"Kyndall Conlon." I responded.

"Now dats not a name I've eva heard before. Fittin name for a dashin young man." He said flashing me a smile. I could feel warmth in my cheeks and put my head down to hide. And he chuckled. He pointed to the boy next to him and said, "Dis is Jumpy."

The black haired boy didn't look up at the mention of his name. He just sat looking towards the window. Topper reached over and placed a hand on Jumpy's thigh. He turned and looked at him and Topper pointed to his breast pocket. Jumpy handed him a piece of paper and a stub of a pencil which Topper then wrote on. Jumpy read it and then reached out his hand to shake mine. He said "Jumpy" in a slightly odd tone of voice, and a little loud. A lot of heads in the room turned towards us. And when he noticed, he quick sat back down and moved towards the back of the bunk, up against the wall.

Topper smiled at him then turned back to look at all the other boys staring. He stood up and glared at all of them. "Ain't any of youse eva seen a deaf kid b'for? Any of youse mess wit 'im, ya mess wid Brooklyn!" There was and edge to his voice, almost a growl. Most of the boys hid their faces from our direction. When he turned back to me, I was a bit frightened, but wit in a few seconds he had a grin on his face. "Kid if youse wanna survive in this world you gots to learn to act. If de fear ya, de leave yas alone." I nodded my understanding. "What youse in fo?"

I sat up straight and put on my best tough guy face and said, "Ma old man taut I was too much to 'andle wit out me mum, so he ditched me 'ere." I did my best to copy his accent, but as soon as I said mum I knew I'd given myself away.

He smiled at me again and asked if I was British, but I shook my head no and in the full accent of my homeland I responded, "Top of the Mornin to you."

He laughed and said "Potato farmer."

I gave him a hurt look and then a flash of anger and yelled, "I ain't farmed a day in ma life, I did ma best to hunt fo food fo ma family." I blushed as I sat back down.

He smiled again, "Ise just pullin ya leg kid, we needs to find sumtin betta to call ya. Potato fama didn't fit ya anyways. Youse a real cute kid when yas blush. Makes ya freckels show" He tapped Jumpy who looked up as Topper pointed at me then made a dotting motion on his own face. Jumpy looked at me and smiled saying really quietly this time. "Spots"

I smiled back at him and then asked Topper, "Ya neva did tell me what you two's is doin 'ere."

He just shook his head and sighed. He looked over at Jumpy who was watching us intently. I felt bad for him, being stuck there not knowing what was going on, but he seemed content to just watch us. "I's is da second to da leada of Brooklyn Newsies. Der is anudda boy back home dat tinks he should take ma place. 'E found out some poysonal stuff 'bout me and used it ta get me outta der. Da boys insisted dat we be kicked outta Brooklyn. We was leaving, but I guess dat wasn't 'nough for Scar. When we gots near da bridge der was a group of rich boys waitin der wit 'im. I tried ta have Jumper go 'round a nudder way whilst I got der attention. Almost worked, but 'e didn't 'ear dem coming afta im. And de beat 'im pretty bad 'fore Ise was able a get back to 'im. Bulls got der soon afta, but since da otha boys was da rich sort, dey arrested us for startin it."

I wondered what kind of information could get a guy kicked out of his home. But rather than ask I offered to go get a bucket and rag for Jumpy since he seemed too sore to move. When I got back I saw them sitting real close. And when they realize I was standing there and looked up at me I felt my face flush again and Jumper smiled and said "Spots" again. The night Warden came into the room and turned the lights out. From the faint light coming in the window I saw Jumper turn towards Topper and fall asleep in his arms.

Topper turned his head my way and said "Youse and I gonna talk mo' in da morning Spots." And the name stuck.

* * *

The next morning I followed them and sat with them at breakfast. I still hadn't found the desire to eat much of anything since Doug had been taken away. But then at lunch time Jumper started putting more food on my tray as we went through the line, I looked at him as he smiled at me. When we sat down at the table I saw Topper slide some of his bread and an apple into his pocket. Then he looked at me intently and said, "Youse betta start eaten and savin as much of ya food as ya can the next few days. The tree of us is getting outta here."

I looked at him to make sure he was serious. But he didn't look like he was joking. Then he asked me if I had somewhere I could go when we got out. I sat there thinking of looking for Dadai, but I knew that if he wanted me he would have come back. And I knew my chances of finding Maeve and the McGinty's were slim. So I shook my head no and said, "I'm an Orphan" He nodded in understanding. He clasped Jumper's hand to get his attention and traced out letters on the table to tell him something. A few moments later Topper looked up at me with an idea. He asked me if I was still young enough that I had to go for reading and writing class and I told him I did. He asked me if I could find a way to pocket a few extra pencils for them.

They had gotten assigned to the laundry room for their first week came back from there that night with a few extra clothing items which they hid in a pillowcase. They also grabbed some hats and a jacket for each of us. I showed the 6 pencils that had gotten off the teacher's desk when everyone else had left the room. I had also ran up to the chalkboard in the room and grabbed all the chalk I could find. And the small note tablet that was on the teacher's desk. And they thanked me and Jumper gave me a hug when I handed them to him. The next morning we again stored up some of our breakfast and lunch and hid them in our pillows.

* * *

That afternoon while we were in the court yard Topper pointed a corner of the fence out to me. He told me there was a rusted bar and that he thought with the two of them pulling on it they could bend it out of place enough for me to squeeze through. I was finally almost 5 ft tall now, but only weighed about 75 lbs when I had to get checked by the Dr. a few months ago . . . and I'm pretty sure my clothes have been hanging loser since Doug had left. If anyone could squeeze through there it was me. The plan was for me to climb the tree that hung over the fence and help them get up. We set our escape for the next night. We would hurry and grab our things as soon as dinner was through.

I was nervous and pacing most of the next day. My pillow case full of gear was hidden in a corner between my bunk and theirs. I had the sheet from my bed ripped into strips and braided to make a rope and I wrapped it around my chest under my shirt. As soon as dusk had fallen we left the mess hall and headed to our room and grabbed the bags. We made it back out into the courtyard before the rest of the boys were done eating.

Jumper and Topper began pulling on the bar while I stood watch. Other than the noise on the street it was pretty quiet. They got the bar pulled as far as they could and after trying a few different angles I was able to get between the bar and the wall. I ran straight to the tree. I was fortunate there was some crates nearby and was able to climb up into the tree quickly. I unbuttoned my shirt and unwrapped my makeshift rope. I wrapped it around the branch and held it tight as Jumper climbed up slowly.

Topper tossed up our pillowcases of gear and then started climbing. He slipped half way up and that's when I heard yelling coming from the nearest building. Someone began blowing a whistle and Topper slipped again. When he was almost to the top someone had reached him and was pulling him by his foot. Jumper and I grabbed onto his shoulders to help pull him up as he kicked out at the man below. We could hear the crunch when he connected with the man's nose.

We scrambled out of the tree on the other side. I picked up two of the bags and Topper the other. Then he put his arm under Jumper to support him and we took off as fast as week could, running through alleys trying to avoid being seen. We ran for what seemed like an hour before Jumper started sinking to the ground. We knew he couldn't go any further and so we sat behind some trash cans and took a rest. We ate some of the stale bread from our bags and fell asleep for the night.

* * *

The next morning we headed for the Brooklyn Bridge. I remembered some of the places we passed from while my Dadai was still around. And we eventually went towards the docks. As we approached we started to see boys of all ages sitting on posts watching us pass. A few smiled at us, some scowled, but one stepped in our path. But as soon as Topper stood face to face with him he backed away, but spit at his feet. I tried to copy his tough boy expression, it almost started to make my face hurt after a while, but it made me feel safer in this place.

As we approached the dock outside the Brooklyn Lodging house the leader of the group, a boy named Train jumped off his perch and came to great us. He stared hard into Topper's eyes and then smiled a crooked smile. He spit in his hand and offered it to Topper.

Topper spit and shook back. "Glad youse came back."

"Ise glad to be back. Is everthin clear 'tween us?" He asked.

"It be a bit dif'cult to undstand but . . ." He trailed off as a boy approached in a hurry.

He looked mean and had a white scar that ran across the right side of his face from the bridge of his nose to his chin. I walked straight up and shoved Topper towards the edge of the dock. "Whadda youse think youse doing back 'ere pretta boy? Didn wese make it clear ta yas that we don't wants your kind 'ere?" He shoved him again. But Topper just rolled his shoulders with the shove and it didn't move him.

His face hardened and his top lip curled up in a snarl. "Who shares me bed is no consoin of yours Scar. Youse the one bringin in those two cent diseased whores, who steal from us! Where does yas think Queens is gettin our secrets from? Youse the one whisperin our hidin places and sellin spots to 'em. No otha reason dey would come to youse twice."

Scar turned red and made a lunge at Topper, who as calm as ever just stepped aside and watched him drop off the edge of the pier into the filthy river. Most of the boys began laughing, myself and Jumper included. As Scar resurfaced Topper looked down and said. "Ise don wanna see ya face around our territory anymo Scar. Next time I pay yous back for beatin Jumper, and pay back is a bitch." He looked over to Train who nodded that he agreed. Scar swam over to a ladder and two of his boys helped him up. They turned and walked away from the lodging house.

Topper introduced me to Train, who agreed that I could stay with them. There was really any open bunk space, but Topper told me I could stay in his room, there was an old beat up couch in there for me to sleep on.

* * *

The next day was my first on the job. I did well enough at it to get by. But I was much better at the other favorite activities of the Brooklyn Newsies, gambling, wrestling and most of all shooting. Six years and I still was good with a slingshot.

Train and Topper grew to trust me. I was good at breaking up the fights that happened frequently. I had perfected the glare that Topper used to intimidate his opponents. I did my best to follow his non aggressive fighting style. But from time to time I found myself losing my temper.

It was sort of awkward sharing a room with those two. I would wake up to noises often. I would cover my ears trying to block out the memory of Brick making similar sounds. Some nights when I came up to the room late I would hear things and just curl up to sleep outside the door.

I knew from my conversations with Topper that he understood my feelings towards my friend. And he would just smile and nod when I talked about my heartache from not knowing where or how he was. He promised to help me search the streets for him someday soon. It made me happy to know I had more than one friend.

After my 12th birthday and living with the Brooklyn gang for over a year, I got to tag along on my first trip with Train, Topper and Jumper. They were headed to talk to the new leader of the Manhattan Newsies. A boy named Cowboy who had escaped from the refuge just a few months after we did. There were some complaints that his Newsies were trying to infringe on Brooklyn's territory. So we were going there to settle it. It turned out to be a fruitful trip.

* * *

There is more to come, just proofreading and revising it. Please R&R if you want more. Debating setting up a 2nd story with a higher rating for the parts that I will need to leave out in the next few chapters . . . Let me know what you guys think!


	4. Chapter 4

I was starting to feel at home with the Manhattan Newsies. They were kind to me and took care of me while I recovered from my injuries. My head still pounded. I was tempted to keep taking the morphine powder she had given me. But I saved it just in case the pain got worse. The powder made me sick to my stomach so most of the time it wasn't worth it. A week after I arrived I asked the one boy who I was starting to feel close to, to help me take off the bandages.

So we returned to the Lodging house a little earlier than the rest of the boys. Mush followed me in by the sinks. I held the eye patch that Sadie had given to me. I was almost afraid to see what I looked like underneath. My eye was supposedly gone, but I didn't think I could believe it till I saw it for myself. I sat down on a stool and Mush began unwrapping the bandage from my head. There was some blood on it and some yellow stains as well. I hoped this didn't mean there was an infection, but I felt fine. My ear was uncovered all the way first. It was still buzzing a lot and hurt when there were loud noises. But I hadn't told anyone. Anyone who saw me for the rest of my life would know about my eye, but the ear was my secret.

When the bandage was almost removed from my eye I reached up and held the towel to it. I glanced up at Mush with a questioning look. He nodded and left the room. After I was sure I was alone, I slowly pulled the towel away from my eye. What I saw was shocking. I had expected to see a gaping hole where my eye had been, but instead it seemed that my eye had started healing closed. I didn't want to touch it, but when I tried to move my eye lid it just stayed shut. I guess it was a good sign.

I wet a clean section of bandage and cleaned up my face. It was still pretty bruised, mostly around the eye. There was dried blood in several spots on my head to clean. As soon as I was done I tied my patch on for the first time. It felt odd and took a while to position without slipping down, but eventually I got it to stay.

* * *

There were many names and faces to learn in my new home. Every time I thought I'd met everyone there would be more that showed up the next week.

Despite the multitude of people I still felt alone. My mind constantly drifted back to Kyndall. I wished I could go back for him. Some nights I would lay awake day dreaming that he was there holding me. Mush was quickly becoming my best friend. He was a very affectionate person, but there wasn't the same spark of life when we talked.

I made a enough money to get by. I paid for my lodging and food and was pretty comfortable. There were a lot of politics among the Newsboy community. You made sure you stayed in your selling spot, and you didn't go across border lines into other territories, even for fun unless you knew that they were our allies. I was always warned to stay far away from Queens, Bronx but most importantly Brooklyn. We weren't currently having any disputes with them, but they still didn't need much to start a fight.

I got into a few fist fights here and there. The play fighting the boys did helped me learn how to stand my own. I'm not a big kid by any means, but I haven't spent my childhood malnourished like a lot of the others. When I was 12 there were talks about skirmishes with some of the Brooklyn crew. There was a power vacuum left in Manhattan after our leader Bear decided it was time for him to go on to man's work. Two months after he left another kid joined us. His name was Jack Kelly. He had live here before I had arrived, but had spent a long period in the Refuge. He was very charismatic. No matter what kind of mood you were in, there was no one who could make you smile like Cowboy. When boys began to coming home at night with black eyes and bleeding, Jack was the one who stepped up and decided to do something about it. He organized the younger boys into selling teams. They were to stay within 2 blocks of each other. So that if someone got jumped they could easily run to the next boy, or holler for help and be heard.

Most of the beatings stopped when soon after they realized we weren't going to sit by and do nothing. Finally we had a messenger from Brooklyn show up on the doorstep one Sunday evening. He was a big goon of a kid, couldn't be selling papers as a newsboy much with his age and size. But he served as his purpose, most of us wouldn't dream of attacking someone his size. So he had no problem delivering his message before anyone got jumpy. Cowboy agreed to meet with them at Tibby's in 3 days. It was one of the only neutral places that wouldn't call the bulls when a group of us gathered.

Both sides had agreed to bring 4 boys along with their leader. Jack came in to the room and started pacing the length of the dorm looking at us each in turn. "I'm bringing 4 of ya with me to deal with the Brooklyn problem. Mush, Racetrack, Snoddy." When he got to my bunk he looked at me and pointed. "Kid Blink."

I nodded in response. We were the oldest and largest of the group, but after seeing the size of the Brooklyn boy I wasn't so sure our size would matter. But Jack seemed to trust us. We did our best to sell our papes quickly on Wednesday and skipped the afternoon edition. We sat back in the lobby of the LH talking about what our limits were on the borders.

Before we could even agree among ourselves it was time to hurry over to Tibby's. We wanted to be there before them so we could decide the best place to sit. Jack wanted to appear as intimidating as a group of 12-14 year olds could be.

We picked the table in the back corner of the place. We all instinctively sat on next to each other, but Jack began walking around the table. Suddenly he stopped and said, "All you get up. Spread out around the table. Don't give them the security of being togetha." We all got up and moved around the table.

The waiter brought us all some water and Jack had a cup of coffee. Most of us were too nervous to eat so we decided to wait until Brooklyn arrived. I had never seen him before, but it was obvious when Train had arrived. He looked tough as nails as he strolled in like he owned the place. Another boy who was the size of the messenger followed him. Behind them was a tall blond with wearing a worn out top hat and a cold look on his face. On his heels was a black haired boy who glanced around rapidly, you would have thought that he thought someone was about to take a swing at him. Last of all was shorter skinny kid. His expression was the calmest of the five.

I found myself setting down my glass and standing up. Could it really be him? He had to be at least 2 inches taller than when I saw him last. I saw him look at each of us, his eyes passed right over me. And then he stopped and his eyes darted right back to me as he halted dead in his tracks.

The boy in the top hat called over to him, "Spot!" Kyndall looked up at the boy and resumed walking to the table. The only chair left was one kiddy corner from me. I did my best to pay attention as Cowboy and Train talked. The boy named Topper piped up a lot, as did Race and Mush. The black haired boy didn't talk at all that I noticed. But I noticed him glancing at me and Kyndall several times.

Kyndall spent most of his time staring intently at his water. I stared it him for a long time hoping he'd look at me eventually. But he would only look at me and then look out the window. After 20 uncomfortable minutes of talking. Manhattan agreed to give Brooklyn an area near the factories where many Brooklyn natives worked. I looked up to see Train and Jack spit shake on it.

By then the time things were settled and we agreed to eat, the waiter had already given up to us. Most of the boys got up and went up to the counter to order some food. I watched them leave and Kyndall leaned in towards me. "How are you doing Doug?" He still had the same fierce look on his face, but his eyes told me that he was actually happy to see me.

I couldn't help but smile hearing his voice. It was much lower than the last time I had seen him, it suited his new tough guy act. "I'm getting by well enough. I'm glad to see you got out. And you seem to be doing pretty well."

He nodded and started breathing faster. A look of pain crossed his face quickly and then he looked back up at me. "Last time I saw ya you were being taken away on a stretcher. Wasn't sure you were going to make it."

"I was in the hospital for a while, but someone helped me run away. I've been living with the Manhattan boys ever since."

He wouldn't meet my gaze again and stared out the window. "When I realized you weren't comin back, I started makin plans to escape. I looked for ya for a few months. I had given up hope of findin ya."

I smiled inwardly at that he cared enough to search for me. But I could tell he was unhappy so I tried to lighten the mood and said, "Guess I was in the last place ya looked." I flashed him another smile as the other boys returned to the table. "I'm gonna go get something to eat, you gonna get anythin?" He looked up at me and shook his head no.

I waited for my food and brought it back to the table. I grabbed a chair from another table and told Racetrack to move over. I set the plate down in front of Kyndall and pulled my chair up next to him. When he looked at me I did my best impression of an Irish accent and said. "Care for some fish and chips? You do like potatoes don't you?" He shot me a hurt look, but then realized that I was teasing him. He ate a few bites from my plate. But went back to drinking his water.

I elbowed him in the ribs and said, "It don't taste that bad, ya know ya want more. Help yaself."

After not too long all the boys had finished eating and started saying goodbye. Kyndall stood up next to me and I followed suit. I reached out my hand to shake his and smiled. "It was nice to meet ya Spot."

He glanced at my hand and then clasped and replied. "Nice to meet you too, never did catch ya name."

"Ya can call me Kid Blink." He gave me a small smile and followed the rest of the Brooklyn boys out.

* * *

Two more chapters going up tonight. Kinda short. But more should be posted tomorrow. Please R&R I'd really appreciate it, have gotten 0 feedback so far. Sad Panda.


	5. Chapter 5

I stared at my feet as we started walking home. How could I be walking back to Brooklyn? I had finally found him, how could I be leaving him behind? Something caught in my chest as I breathed. I stopped and looked back at the way we had come. My hand still tingled from the warmth of his touch. I had him there in my reach and I let him go.

I kept trying to tell myself that I couldn't stay with him, he had no idea how I felt about him. I was a friend who helped him when he was sick, that was all. He had new friends now, what was I but a painful reminder of his time in the Refuge.

Jumper must have seen me stop because he had come back to where I was standing. When I looked at him he was confused, but I could see a light spark come to his expressive face. He put his fingers to his lips and let out a whistle, the other three turned around to look at us. Jumper made a motion as if he was putting a hat on, and Topper trotted back to us, he told Train we'd catch up in a bit.

Jumper was smiling at me and then at Topper, who looked lost. He started poking me in the chest excitedly and then pointed back the way we came. I thought I knew what he was asking, but I didn't want to talk about it out in the open. The pencil he pulled out of his pocket did us no good, we had nothing for him to write on. So he looked back at me and put his hand over his left eye and started nodding. When I nodded back he grinned even more.

Topper looked at the two of us and asked, "That was him?" I nodded. "Why didn't ya tell me? Ya barely said a thing the whole time we were there. We coulda found an excuse to stay longer."

"I just don't know if that woulda been a good idea. He doesn't know how I feel. If I tell him he could just be disgusted with me and neva want to be my friend again. I can't risk that."

"How do ya know he don't feel the same way. Ya spent the last year and a half depressing yourself and everyone around you, watching every person you pass. What if he is being a shy little baby, same as you."

I didn't expect this sort of reaction from him. I was getting angry enough to start swinging and he knew it. He had no right to tell me I should risk losing the one person that I loved. I stood up a little straighter and got closer to him. "Don't ya dare be tellin me how to handle my affairs." I snarled back at him.

Jumper put a hand on each of our chests and started to step between us. I was mad that he would touch me and I shoved him away from me as hard as I could. He wasn't expecting me to fight back and so went sprawling onto the road. I felt bad the second I saw him falling and turned towards him, and right into Toppers left hook. His hand landed a solid blow to my jaw. I grabbed at my jaw with my hand and looked up at as he moved to help Jumper up. He glared back at me. And the two started walking back towards Brooklyn.

After a few minutes I followed them at a distance.

I decided to sleep out on the pier that night. I didn't think I'd be welcome in my usual sleeping place. I spent most of the night just thinking about him. How much he'd changed in the year and a half since I'd last seen him. He was taller and his body had filled out. He was starting to look more like a man than the boy I remembered. And the patch which should have detracted from his looks only gave him a sense of mystery in my mind. I fell asleep imagining him asleep in my arms, just like he used to be. And dreams of his muscular arms holding onto me as well filled my night.

It was awful waking up alone after the vivid pictures I saw in my sleep. I sat up from the corner I had slept in, behind some crates and had to shift my clothing around to make room for what was left over from my dreams. I looked around and didn't see anyone. I thought about taking care of myself, but worried about someone seeing me. So stripped down to my underwear and ran the 4 feet to jump off the pier edge. The water was just getting cold for the start of fall, and so it ended my physical problem for the time being. Albeit in a very rude manner.

I climbed the ladder a few minutes later and dressed myself again. I waited outside Topper's room for the noise to stop, and then knocked. Topper opened the door wearing only his pants. Jumper sat on the single person bed the two of them shared, with a blanket pulled over his lap and no shirt. He smiled at me, but Topper still wore a scowl. He tilted his head towards the couch that I normally slept on and I went and sat down. He grabbed a shirt and threw it towards Jumper and then started putting another on himself.

"I know ya didn't mean to hurt Jumper, Spot. Ya had every right to be mad at me. The lives we live, we all have lost more than most people can bare. Only you know if you can bare losin him too." He said as he glanced at Jumper.

Jumper watched us talking and when we were done he clapped his hands together once and Topper looked at him. He pointed to his pocket and pointed forward, which I had learned meant that he wanted Topper to tell him about that conversation later. Then he pointed down at the floor where his pants were. Topper laughed and handed them to him.

He looked over at me and said, "Get dressed kid, ya need to sell your papes quick if ya want to be the one to deliver a message to Manhattan for Train."

I smiled at him and jumped up from my spot. As I closed the door behind me I saw Topper lean down and kiss Jumper. Was it worth the risk?


	6. Chapter 6

I went selling the next morning with Mush. He is usually good company. It's nice to have a friend who laughs at your jokes no matter how bad they are. Sometimes I'm not quite sure he understands what's so funny. He just laughs when anyone else does.

I was in a fog all morning. I still didn't understand Kyndall's reaction to seeing me. I thought he'd be happy to see each other again. After that day he helped me get cleaned up, I thought maybe he was attracted to me. But I could have misread him. Lord knows I don't understand how love works. While I found myself comfortable and happy when I spent time with Kyndall, I still have found myself flirting with every skirt that will give me the time of day.

Mush and I always did our best to play ourselves up to any gal we sold to. If they think you're cute enough you may even earn yourself a wink and an extra penny.

That day Mush and I decided to sell in our favorite spot. It was an area with a lot of dress and hat shops that ladies went to. I could usually make an extra 10 cents minimum selling there.

Today wasn't going as well as it normally did. I couldn't seem to sell my papers. After two hours Mush came over to me his hands empty. I had only sold 15 of my 50.

"Blink, how are ya not sold out? I sold all of mine 10 minutes ago. Been talkin to a real pretty set of gals over there." He casually pointed towards 2 girls who looked to be dressed up in lace and gold. They smiled over at us and Mush grinned back at them.

I hit him over the head with a paper and said, "What you thinkin makin on with girls like them? Think their fathers would let them be seen with the likes of us?"

He grabbed his hat and arranged it back in place on top of his head and looked at me. "That's never stopped ya before. What up with ya anyways, ya been off in ya own thoughts since yesterday?"

I looked at him and could tell he was actually concerned, but it really was for nothing. I just didn't know what to think of yesterday's events. I decided to be partially honest with him and replied, "I just can't get yesterday's meetin out of my head. I just have a gut feelin that something wasn't handled right."

"I guess we'll know soon enough if the jumpin's stop. Ya gotta trust Jack a bit more Kid. He's been doin this longer than most of us. What did ya think of that crew Train brought with? Three older guys looked pretty tough."

"The silent guy seemed like he'd be easy enough to take."

"Yeah, the youngest one, the shorty, by his size I think I could take him easy. But there is something in his eyes that makes me think I'd burst into flames if I got him mad."

"He seemed very intense," I said quietly and then looked up at my friend. "But I think he would be a good ally.

Mush looked over where the girls had been standing and saw that they had lost interest and left. He helped me sell the rest of my papers and we began our trek back to the Lodging House.

I had planned on heading up to my bunk and catching a few minutes of shut eye before the evening edition. Instead I was shocked to see Kyndall standing at the desk.

As we approached him he nodded a greeting. "I'm here to deliver a message to Cowboy." He said as he turned a steely gaze at Mush

Mush reacted to the look and stepped up in front of him replying. "Tell me and I'll deliver it to him."

Kyndall looked up at him and laughed. "You think Train sent me all the way here to give his message to a lackey?"

Mush stepped in closer to him and glared down, "He's the one that sent a lackey in the first place."

Kyndall's fist clenched at his side and his eyes got colder. I pulled Mush back towards me and told him, "I'll bring ya to where he sells."

I pushed Mush towards the stairs, but he turned around and looked at me as if to ask if I was sure. I knew he was worried about me going out alone with someone from Brooklyn. And so I just nodded back at him.

As we left Kyndall visibly relaxed, and we fell into step. After 5 minutes of walking though, his silence began to unnerve me so I turned around to face him.

"It's time we talk."

I LOVE FEEDBACK!

Skittfanatic-Thanks I'm glad you are liking it! I always wondered why people didn't try pairing them. Just watch the movie as Denton takes the picture, I got a giggle out of it!

Dos Santos-Umm I'm not sure how into detail I'm going to take the story . . . I've thought about making an attempt and posting it in a different website . . . I don't like putting anything mature where kids can read it! (like I did in HS)

Special thanks to DHKnightly for chatting and letting me bounce ideas off her for all hours last week

And extra super special thanks to my beta reader CES5410! It helps to have a critical eye glance over it! Hope you like the changes

I'm hoping to have more out in the next few days, so keep checking back.


	7. Chapter 7

I watched him walk into the building with the curly-haired boy. They were smiling

away, talking. It made me angry beyond reason to see him with his arm around Blink's

shoulders. I knew it was just an innocent act of friendship, but my jealousy got the best

of me. I just focused on my anger and glared at him. I told them, "I'm here to deliver a

message to Cowboy." Curly stepped in close to me as we exchanged a few more tense

words. He tried to intimidate me by towering over me, and all I could do was laugh. If

those tactics worked on me any more I'd have been dead or back in the Refuge.

When he called me a lackey though I had a hard time not taking a swing at him right

there. I clenched and unclenched my fists a few times and just glared at him harder.

Blink stepped forward and pulled him out of my face, which was good timing. When

he offered to take me to Cowboy and I felt my heart skip a beat. I would finally have a

chance to be alone with him.

We walked out of the building and he began dodging people and carriages. His

movements were fluid and almost like watching him dance. He glanced back at me once to

make sure I was following him and I bit down on my lip to hide the smile that crept up

on my face. A few blocks down he turned into an alley. I watched him make his way

through garbage cans and crates, but when we got halfway to the next street he turned

around and told me "It's time we talked."

I froze in place as he stared at me. I could see that he wanted me to say something.

I cocked an eyebrow at him and leaned up against the nearest wall. "I told ya, the

message is for Cowboy."

He sighed and hooked his thumbs in the front of his pants as he came to lean on the

building beside me. When his elbow brushed my arm I felt an involuntary shiver run up

my spine.

"Kyndall, I meant we . . ." But I cut him off mid-sentence.

"Don't be callin' me that, the name is Spot. Ya hear?" His face fell as he nodded. I

immediately regretted interrupting him. I really didn't mind hearing my real name, not

when he said it.

"Spot, what I meant was we need to talk about the Refuge. I don't want ya to think I

forgot about ya. I really did want to come see if there was a way to get ya out. But for

the first few weeks I could hardly walk. But about a month after I got out I went to watch

at the gates for ya. For eight days I hid behind a set of stairs across the street at meal

times try to see ya go to the other building. But I didn't see ya. I could only think they

had moved ya somewhere else. Or that the old man came back to get ya."

As I listened to him I started chewing on the side of my mouth, trying to distract myself

from the emotions building up in my chest. I was happy beyond reason that he had tried

to get back to see me. He did care about finding me as well. I couldn't hide the frown

when he mentioned my father though.

"That good for nothin' piece of trash ain't never gonna come lookin' for me." I growled

as I pushed off from the wall and started pacing the width of the alley. Then I spit on the

ground for emphasis. "Good riddance!"

"Sorry, I'm just tryin' to make ya realize how much I hated leavin' ya behind. I'm just

glad you're ok. I'm glad Brick went to jail and didn't get to hurt anyone else." A small

smile crossed his face as he relaxed.

As he said the last sentence I halted my pacing and turned my head to look at him. I

could feel myself starting to shake and my palms began to sweat. While I stood there

trying to control the shaking, his smile turned to a look of concern. I did my best to

appear angry and turned away from him as I brought my fist down on the nearest pile

of wooden crates. As they broke I could feel the pain in my now bleeding hand. The

tremors had stopped, and I could only hope he was convinced that I was shaking in

rage and not trembling in fear. I turned back at him glaring and said, "I never wanna

talk about that place again. Ya may be my friend, but if I ever hear ya talkin' about The

Refuge in front a me, I'll soak ya."

Walking past me, Blink turned toward the next street, and rounded the corner.

When he was out of sight, I bent over the smashed crate and threw up, choking

back a silent sob as I wiped a tear from my eye. I looked up just as Blink glanced

back around the corner at me. I nodded and ran to catch up.

* * *

Thanks again to CES5410! You are my Beta hero!

Hope to have more posted for the weekend! Please Review :)


	8. Chapter 8

I found myself in a constant state of confusion since Kyndall had walked back into my life. One minute he's smiling at me and the next he loses his temper and smashes his hand through a crate. I could see him shaking when I spoke of Brick. I knew at that moment that something had happened between the two of them. I could only imagine from the look on his face and the anger that he showed when telling me not to talk about it, that he was hurt. And maybe more hurt than I had been. I went on ahead of him to give him a moment to pull himself together and as turned the corner I could hear him losing his lunch.

I looked back around the corner after a minute to make sure he was alright and going to follow. He nodded and we continued towards where Jack was selling.

The two of them moved around the corner to talk and I followed. I did my best to listen to the conversation, but I was too busy with my own thoughts. Kyndall mentioned something about Racetrack crossing borders and selling at Sheepshead, but other than that I didn't pay attention. I just stared at Spot, trying to decide what to do about the changes I saw in my friend.

He spent most of his time leaning against a building, but whenever Jack said something he didn't like he would walk to another location and glare. He seemed to know that Cowboy wasn't someone he could intimidate with his stare. But the emotionless tone in his voice wasn't that of the boy I had known. And the boy I remembered wouldn't have spoken more than a few words an hour.

Something had happened that changed him. He seemed to have hardened himself to the world, but at the same time it had opened him up. He had a fire inside him that I hadn't seen there before. He had learned how to make others listen to him, to want to follow him. I found myself just watching him intently; the slight angle that he turned his head, the way that he hooded his eyes and lowered his tone at the same moment.

I caught him glancing up at me from time to time and I would just smile and glance at Jack. After their matter was settled they came back over to where I was waiting and we decided to go and get some food at a cheap little deli that Jack had discovered.

I saw the hesitation on Spot's face as we approached Jacobi's Deli. It looked like a decent enough place, especially for a place a Newsie could afford. Jack walked in but I stayed outside watching Spot stare at the sign. "Need me to spot ya a few bits for lunch?"

"Nah, nah. I'm just not sure I like the looks of the place." He responded.

As we went inside I couldn't quite understand what he meant. It was a very clean, new place with smiling workers.

We each got sandwich and sat down at table in the back corner of the restaurant to eat. Jack and I inhaled our food as we tossed jokes back and forth. Every once and awhile, Spot would throw in a comment. I could tell he was uncomfortable, and when I looked at the paper wrapped sandwich in front of him, it looked like he hadn't taken more than a bite or two and had picked the tomato off to eat.

A while later we walked outside. I knew most of the boys were planning on going to Medda's show later that night so I turned to Spot and asked him if he wanted to join us after the afternoon edition. He agreed to meet us there. We said our good-byes. I couldn't help but watch him as he started his trip back towards his borough.

* * *

I didn't even bother going back to Brooklyn to sell the evening edition. I decided instead to just wander around Manhattan for the time being. A few blocks from the deli I saw a little girl, about the age my sister would be, with no shoes selling flowers on a street corner. She looked starved and I offered her the sandwich I had slipped into my pocket. She smiled up at me and started eating it. At least now I felt that the money hadn't gone to waste.

I eventually ended up in a shadier side of town; it felt a bit more like home. There was one store that caught my eye. I saw men's clothes for sale through the dirty window, and I went in to look around. Most of it was old and patched up. The garments weren't much better off than those I wore, but there was one item that caught my eye. It was black cane with a gold tip on each end, and reminded me of a photo of my grandfather that Mamai had kept on the mantel in our home.

The shop owner, an old man with long greasy hair, came over to me as I picked it up. He stunk of booze and cigars, but I ignored the stench.

"That be a real gentleman's cane. Fell on hard times and sold me all his treasures. Only cost ya 3 dollars."

I examined it more. I could see the scratches in the paint as well as the dents in the gold plating on the ends. It seemed solid enough to be useful in a fight. I placed it back in its stand and shook my head. "Piece of garbage isn't even worth 50 cents." and I began to walk toward the door.

He called after me, "I'll make ya a deal, $1.00." I turned around and looked at him like I was still considering it. And when I turned away again he said, "75 cents."

With my back still towards him I smiled to myself, and went back for my cane. I tossed the money on the counter in front of him and exited the store.

When I got down the street I whirled it around in the air like a sword for a minute and tucked it into my belt. I felt more like a gentleman now and more confident about the night ahead of me.

I knew I only had an hour until I was supposed to meet the Manhattan boys at the show. I quickly made my way towards the factories where the Brooklyn boys were selling and told them to let Topper know I would probably be out till late, and not to go out looking for me. I could only imagine the look on his face when he got the message. And with a new found energy I headed towards Irving Hall.

* * *

Thanks for reading and reviewing!

And Super thanks to CES5410!


	9. Chapter 9

I only bought half my normal amount of the evening edition that day. I wanted to make sure I had plenty of time to get ready for the show. I sold them as quickly as possible and started heading back towards the lodging house when I had 5 papers left. I was able to sell the last one when I was about a block away from home.

Most of the other boys weren't back yet, so I decided this was my best chance to use the makeshift tub. I knew the cool water would also feel good after selling on a hot summer day. It was hard to operate the pump while seated in there, and I had to duck my head to get it under the faucet, but it was nice to get fully clean. I glanced around to make sure the room was empty and flipped up my patch, washing away the sweat that was always worse there. It felt good to be alone for a few minutes. It wasn't something that happened very often in a place like this.

I was excited to be going to one of Medda's shows. The gals were always so pretty and the costumes were much more revealing than what any lady wore on the streets. However, the other part of me was more excited about spending time with Kyndall. There was just something about the look in his eyes, I couldn't shake him from my mind. I'm not sure which thought did it, but as I began hearing sounds of other boys I quickly pumped more cold water over myself. I found myself hissing as cool hit warmth, but the discomfort ensured that nothing was noticeable as the others walked in where I was drying off.

I smiled at the younger boys and ran back to my bunk in just my pants. I pulled on my favorite red shirt and threw a vest on over it. When you have no money you sometimes learned to be creative and a bandana was the closest thing I owned to a tie, so I knotted it around my neck.

Several other boys began filing into the room for the evening. There were only a few of us older boys that could get away with getting into Medda's during an evening show. Tonight it would be Jack, Mush, and myself going. Racetrack was disappointed that he couldn't join us, but the last time they turned him away because he looked to young. This made me worry that Kyndall would have an issue getting in as well. The rest of us were taller and didn't get questioned about our age.

I decided to rest on my bunk while I waited for those two to finish getting ready. I half dozed off, dreaming of what Kyndall would think of the show. I felt sort of awkward going there with him. Something about the two thoughts didn't mix right in my head.

Mush showed up at my bunk a few minutes later and smacked the brim of my hat down over my face. "Heya Jack, get a look at Blink, he almost looks like a gentleman."

I shoved his face away from me and jumped out of my bed. As I headed for the door I yelled back, "I'm headin' over."

Mush and Jack were soon in step beside me as we made our way to Irving Hall. When we had rounded the corner I saw Kyndall leaning up against a wall outside of the building. He was twirling a cane and watching the people around him, he saw us and nodded a greeting when we approached. I smiled at him and Jack shook his hand.

A lot of older men were filing into the hall while we sat outside and talked. Mush and Jack both lit up cigarettes and Kyndall took the one that Jack offered him. They knew that I didn't smoke (one of those things ingrained in me as a kid). I watched as Spot lit his and took a long drag off of it. There was something about the way that he smoked that made it seem calming, and when he looked up at me he offered it. I shook my head no.

"Don't worry about Blink, I've been tryin to get him to smoke for over a year. Crazy no smokin', no drinkin', no coffee Morons." Jack muttered.

Mush broke out in laughter and slapped me in the arm with the back of his hand. "Ya hear that, Kid? He called ya a moron instead of a Mormon."

I smiled at my friend's mirth, despite it being at my expense. Spot just cocked an eyebrow at me and put out his half smoked cigarette. He pushed off from the building and placed his left hand on a cane he had in his belt loop. "We goin' in?"

Jack nodded and took one more puff of his cigarette before tossing it on the ground. The man at the door gave us trouble. He recognized the three of us Newsies from Manhattan, we came once or twice a month; but he glared down at Kyndall who was shorter than me by five inches and who he probably assumed wasn't 14 and old enough to be at the show. When he realized that he was the problem, Spot stood taller and his features hardened.

With an annoyed look the man finally let us pass, and we all laughed our way into the hall and climbed the stairs to the top level of the building. We were not allowed to sit at the tables downstairs where the men drank, so we got comfortable sitting in chairs and leaning on the edge of the balcony. Jack was determined to get a drink and climbed down a side rail before dashing behind the stage curtain. He returned a few minutes later and jumped from the rail, almost slipping on the climb back up. I broke into laughter as he fell over the side, but when he stood back up he took a swig from a glass bottle he was carrying.

Mush, Jack, and Spot passed the bottle around between them. I saw Spot glance at me as he drank. He took a few short swigs and handed it back to Jack. I looked back over the balcony as the music started playing. Three beautiful girls came out in yellow dresses and sang as they danced around the stage. Mush began cheering, but as Medda came out in her purple dress and began singing, Jack and Mush sat forward staring. I smiled; I enjoyed Medda, but always thought the dancing girls were much more attractive.

When she finished we all began to cheer, and as Jack began whistling loudly, she turned to look at our small group. She smiled and blew a kiss, waving up our way. Besides me I heard Spot mumble, "Old enough to be me grandmodda."

I held in a snicker, but when the next group of dancers came out in revealing clothing, place went silent. It was a view us boys didn't get to see outside a vaudeville show. Mush's mouth was hanging wide open, and I was surprised there wasn't drool running out the sides. Jack had a big smirk across his face. But when I looked over at Kyndall I saw him frowning and twirling his cane on its end. He glanced up at me then looked hurriedly at the stage. He furrowed his brow and looked away again, I knew I shouldn't be staring at him, but when he looked my way again he abruptly stood up and walked towards the stairs.

I followed him down and saw him step into the bathroom. When he stepped back out I was waiting for him. His look softened a bit when he reached me. "You gonna come finish watchin' the show?" I asked. He shook his head and looked away from me. "Don't like the dancin'?"

He looked up at me with a crooked half grin and said, "Nah, I prefer blondes." I started laughing and threw my arm around his shoulder. He tensed up at the touch, but I just started pulling him along with me.

"We'll why don't I wait out here with ya until the show is over and then we all go to Tibby's and get somethin' to eat?"

He shook his head no again and replied, "I gotta be getting back to Brooklyn. Topper and Train will think I got jumped and come knockin' on your guys place if I don't get back before too late."

"Let me go get Jack and Mush, we'll walk to the bridge with ya."

"It'd be better if I just get goin' now. I walk the streets alone every night, ain't no one given me trouble." He put his hat on and placed a hand on his cane. I removed my arm from his shoulders and offered my hand to shake. He responded in kind and turned to walk out of the building.

I watched him until he turned down the street. I wished he had stayed. I even wished he would decide to leave Brooklyn and come stay in Manhattan; but I knew I would see him again soon.


	10. Chapter 10

Once we were seated inside the hall I began to have second thoughts. I couldn't remember why I had -agreed to see a show; that is until I glanced at the boy sitting next to me. He didn't appear as any other newsboy would on a harsh summer day like today. He looked clean and smelled of shaving cream. His clothing, though ill fitting, did nothing to detract from his good looks. I felt myself being drawn into him. I had been disappointed when he had turned down the offer of my cigarette. The thought of his lips touching and then returning it to me had sent my heart racing. And when I saw he didn't want to share in the rum, I quickly took a few drinks and passed it off, and didn't take any more when offered.

I couldn't even bring myself to watch most of the show. I did listen as Medda sang a beautiful song about a lost love, but all it did was make my heart ache worse for the boy sitting next to me. I longed for the cold winter days back in the Refuge, when we would curl up close to stay warm. And my stomach tied in knots remembering him crying in my arms his first days there. I couldn't even look away from the floor in fear that I'd stare at him too long. So I began twirling my cane around between my knees as I slouched in the seat. I tapped my foot to the music on stage so that I could at least pretend to be paying attention.

I felt Kid shift in the seat next to me, and his arm brushed against mine, sending a chill up my spine. I glanced up at him and saw he was looking right at me, so I quickly turned my eyes towards the stage. But the look in his eye had done me in, the ache in my belly was so strong and my body felt on fire, so I glanced down to where my cane was leaning against my leg and stood up, trying to force myself to move at a normal pace, and headed for the stairs.

I went into the bathroom, which was filled with a stink made worse by the horrible heat of summer. The distraction helped and within a minute I found myself calm enough to exit. I was surprised to find him standing at the bottom of the staircase. I couldn't help but smile a bit that he had wanted to follow me. I hoped that the stench had not followed me out of the room. He began asking me why I didn't like the show. I wanted to tell him the truth, but the best response I could think of was that I preferred blondes. I knew it was a stupid thing to say.

As he laughed at my joke and put his arm around my shoulders I felt myself freeze in place. But it was a comforting touch and I walked towards the exit at his urging. He invited me to go to dinner with them soon, but I declined. The thought of eating with them tied my stomach in knots and I immediately felt ill. After some discussion about me heading to Brooklyn alone, he removed his arm from my shoulders and I felt my heart fall to my stomach, but his hand shake seemed to promise that I would see him again soon. And so I was content as I began to make my way home.

* * *

I returned to our bunk house at a late hour. I was stopped a few times by other Brooklyn boys who were out on the docks watching for intruders. A few of them seemed disappointed that I wasn't someone they could start a fight with. I just nodded to them as they recognized me.

I stopped by the table where Train, Topper and Jumper were playing poker to tell them about Cowboy's offer regarding Sheepshead. Train grinned and clapped me on the back, "Good deal, we will let him continue sellin there then." I was a little disappointed; I had hoped that he would want to alter the deal so I would have an excuse to go back to Manhattan.

I looked over at my two roommates who were sitting close together on a bench. Jumper had his usual smile across his face as he glanced from person to person. From under the table Topper pushed the chair in front of me out with his foot and motioned for me to join the game. After few more hands Train tossed his cards on the table, and stood up. He looked down at Jumper who was pulling what had to have been his 6th wining hand from the center of the table. "I swear he can read my mind! I'm out; I'd rather get some sleep than lose more money."

Jumper watched him walk off to the stairs, and then looked around the empty room. He scooted a little closer to Topper's side and pointed at the paper between them, and looked up at where Train had just stood. He watched Topper scribble an answer and when he saw what was written on the paper he looked up and said, "Face."

Topper smiled and put his arm around his friend's waist as he leaned back against the wall. Jumper leaned back into Topper's shoulder and relaxed. Topper looked up at me and asked, "So, ya gonna tell us how ya day went?"

I sighed and settled into my seat, debating how much I wanted to tell him. But considering they already knew most of my secrets, why keep anything from them. Topper listened to my story intently, while Jumper just watched the two of us until he began drifting of to sleep in his friend's arms.

I finished telling him and sat there waiting for his usual big brother advice, but none was offered. He appeared distracted towards the end, he nodded and said, "We can talk more later, Jumper and I have a long walk tomorrow. We're not even going to be selling." He woke Jumper enough to have him climb the stairs. Once in the bedroom Topper turned to me again and said. "Train will be sendin out some of the younger boys to the other boroughs in two days. He has an announcement. And he wants to invite some of the other city leaders to go to the Independence Day fights before he makes it."

"He sendin me?" I immediately asked.

"Little eager ain't ya?" he responded.

I scowled at him as I flopped down to sleep.

* * *

The next morning I awoke to the usual sounds coming from the bed in our room. But rather than wait it out, I grabbed my other shirt from the pile on the floor and darted out of the room. I saw Train was in the wash room as well. He shook his head when he saw me. "I see ya couldn't sleep either?"

"It seemed like a good time to get up and start my day."

"I don't know how ya get any sleep livin in there. Ya welcome to a bunk in the main room anytime ya want. I gotta move my bed to another wall. The noise near that wall is just too much." He made a face as he said this.

I just laughed at his joke and went on washing up a bit. I had hoped that he would mention me needing to go to Manhattan again. But he didn't bring it up, and since I didn't want to appear too eager, I kept silent. Most of the boys began filing in to clean up and so I stepped outside to wait for the boys upstairs.

When everyone had exited we headed towards the Catholic Church. The nun handed me a half of a donut, which I flipped over a few times scraping the mold off the edges before taking two bites and handing the rest off to one of the younger boys. I headed back over to Topper and Jumper who were still standing next to one of the Nuns. He just shook his head at me as they followed her into the church. I was confused, but I was sure I'd get my answer later that night.

I looked up to see Train talking to some of the younger boys, who I assumed were being sent to deliver messages. It was a bad start to my selling day. I hated being left in the dark about what was going on around me. I couldn't help the scowl that kept creeping onto my face all day. I was barely able to make it through my stack of papers.

And I hoped that I'd be able to pin the older boys down when I got back that night.

* * *

Sorry if this chapter doesn't flow as nice as usual, didn't have proof reader for this one. Vacation killed my writing time.

Pretty please review if you want to see more of this story! I'm also thinking about trying to post this on the Refuge and having longer mature chapters coming up. Let me know if you guys think I should try! Should have another chapter or 2 up by Monday so check back!


	11. Chapter 11

Spot. Even thinking his name made me smile. I saw his face in my dreams that night. I wished he hadn't left so soon after the show. I spent most of my next day trying to think of an excuse to go see him.

I knew it was a very unwise idea, I knew it wasn't safe to cross the selling borders; I'd seen what had happened to several boys who had been recognized. Some boroughs like Brooklyn and Queens didn't even care enough to let you explain if they saw you. It was too risky as a Manhattan Newsie to move around their part of the city without a valid reason. I would just have to wait things out.

A few days later after the show, I had finished selling my papers and headed over to where Mush was selling across the square. The sun was beating down on us, and the heat was almost unbearable. He was leaning against a pillar near the fountain. I sat down a few feet away from him and leaned against the cool stone. I removed my cap from my head and stuck it under the spout of water that sprayed up from the centerpiece of the feature. After it had mostly filled I flipped it onto my head. It felt wonderfully refreshing to have the cool water pour down the sides of my face. I knew it was only a temporary solution, but for the moment it was great.

When Mush sold off his last paper he came over to sit next to me.

"Ya like the show last night Kid?"

I looked over at him and scrunched up my face as I replied. "It was good enough for what it was."

"That's cause ya didn't stay for the whole show, Ya such a prude, always get goofy when ya sees a bit of ankle. If it's too much for ya we could always go to the kiddie show next time and see the guy with the talkin' dummy." He started laughing and gave me an overzealous elbow to the ribs, which helped bring me back out of my thoughts.

"I ain't a prude ya twit."

He laughed and handed me his cigarette and said, "Prove me wrong."

I took the almost finished end of the cigarette and twirled it between my fingers, then brought it up near my mouth and just before it reached my lips, I flicked it into the fountain. As it flew I saw Mush's mouth fall open in shock.

He turned back to face me and growled, "I'll soak ya for that."

He made a playful dive towards me as I danced out of the way. I started running back toward the lodging house with him close behind.

* * *

It wasn't another typical boring night at the lodging house on Duane Street. That night was one of the two we were required to be in before 6 PM. Most of us didn't object. Every Saturday night we filed in early and cleaned up, and put on our fresh outfit for the next few days (those of us fortunate enough to have more than one pair of clothing). We would gather in the hall downstairs next to the room that Kloppmann occupied. There were always two large wooden tables set up on these nights.

The benches were placed around them, set with tin bowels, plates, and cups. Next to them were ancient silverware and old stained napkins. We would all stand behind a plate setting and wait for whichever rich benefactor from the church that ran our home was to speak with us that night, and lead us in prayer. The Catholic raised boys would try and keep their backs to him and cross themselves before they ate. The large pots of watery stew that we ate seemed like a feast. We usually received a piece of cheese and a decent piece of bread, and on the rare occasions like holidays we got a bit of butter to go with it.

We boys always finished every bit of the food that was placed in front of us, and most of us saved our bread and cheese for eating the next day. Most of the boys considered the meal we were given our reward for the 2 hour long sermon we would have to listen to once we were done. We all cleared the table and rinsed our dishes in a large basin at the back of the room. We then moved the tables out of the way and our benches became pews.

Some of the lessons were tolerable, the nice benefactors would tell us stories from The Bible about great men, but there were always a few that only spoke of Hellfire and brimstone. As we sat there that night the gentleman spoke to us of resisting our carnal desires, because they were temptations from the devil. He told how God would punish us for smoking, drinking and gambling. I held in a laugh at that comment considering I was the only person in the group over the age of 8 who didn't do all three.

He continued on for well over an hour before he moved onto the topic that he referred to as desires of a sinful nature. Most of us knew what his thinly veiled comments meant. I could see a grin on Jack's face, and I knew from the way he was looking around and licking his lips that Race was hardly containing his urge to blurt out a response.

Growing up in a religious household, I had heard all of this before. I wasn't even surprised when began to read to us from the book of laws in the Old Testament. I listened a little closer when he actually read from the Scriptures, it was the only time I was able to hear the words anymore. He soon read a line about a man lying with a man, and I froze in thought. I remembered my nights sharing a bed with Kyndall, him holding me as I cried. Was it wrong of me to do so? Should I have slept on the floor?

The punishments and lack of forgiveness didn't match what my Sunday school lessons taught of a loving forgiving Heavenly Father. I did my best to push it out of my mind as something that their church had made up. I instead counted the wood boards along the back wall until he finished. After he closed in prayer, Jack motioned to the group of older boys that were standing around, and we all followed him as he headed up the fire escape to the roof.

He told us about the boxing tournament in Brooklyn for Independence Day. We older boys were invited and Jack didn't want us telling the younger ones. We didn't want them following us, or tattling to Kloppmann that we were going.

We headed back down to the bunk room after Race finally put out his cigar. I put my piece of bread under my pillow; I looked up at my bed and then down at the spot on the floor where I knelt every night with my arms crossed and said my prayers after the lights were put out. I glanced around at the other boys; most of who were in bed asleep, and saw Kloppmann blow out the two lamps at the end of the room. I pried off my boots and climbed in bed.

The stern face of my father greeted me as I closed my eyes, but I ignored his image and thought of Spot.

* * *

Sorry about the long wait for a new chapter, been real life things coming up. But I'm back in the swing of things. Helped switching tv show of choice from Star Trek to Queer as Folk! Much more inspiring.

Chapter went from super short to a bit longer thanks to my need to give a history lesson as well as the drama going on in the news.

I hope you all are enjoying this story. I promise this next chapter will be quite a bit longer. And may have a bit more of what you have been waiting for.

To Cassy1994-There will be a bit more about it in the upcoming chapters, so it should make better sense then.

Thanks as always to CES5410, you are the best beta I could ask for. I value your feed back and editing soooo much, this story would probably be dead already if it wasn't for you!


	12. Chapter 12

Three days. That was how much longer I would have to wait to see him again and that was assuming he would go. I found myself fighting to focus on my daily activities. I had told Topper when I got back from my night at the show, and he admonished me for not talking to Blink and admitting my feelings towards him. When I told him I couldn't he just ignored me and climbed in bed.

The next morning I went over to where he was swimming and he climbed out to talk to me. After a few minutes of silence I finally worked up the courage to say what I had been planning all day.

"I want what you have. I want to hold him; I want to love him. But I can't do that Topper. I can't make him hurt the way I hurt."

"Spot, do ya honestly think Jumper would stick 'round if bein' together was like that? What happened to you, is not what it's like when it's someone ya care about. That bastard raped ya, kid."

I hid my face, I didn't want him to see the tears threatening to fall from my eyes. I had never told Topper outright what happened to me. Apparently my actions and comments had given him enough hints.

"I know ya don't want to talk about it. But livin' afraid of ya own feelins', ya don't be wantin' that. If ya love that Blink kid, then ya gotta give it a try."

He wandered off to where Jumper sat on the edge of the dock. He started walking with heavier steps when he neared him. Jumper could feel him coming up behind him that way. I could tell that he knew only Topper would make his arrival known to the deaf boy. The look on Jumper's face was one of love. Could what Topper told me be true? Could I have what they had?

When Topper left for Queens the next morning, I went and sat at a table in the hall with Jumper. I hadn't actually tried having a conversation with him; not without Topper there to do the reading and writing. I hoped that the little I had learned at the Refuge would be enough to get me by. He looked up from the newspaper that he was reading when he saw me. He set it down and smiled at me, I smiled back. He was such a happy guy that you couldn't help but love him.

I pointed at his pocket where he kept the pencil remnants he collected. He nodded and handed one to me, then flipped pages of his paper to find a good spot for us to converse on. I sat thinking for a minute before I wrote.

_Topr told me I cud talk ta ya bowt sumtin._

I looked up at him as he stared at my writing. It looked like a mess and I knew most of it was spelled wrong, but after a moment he looked up at me and nodded that he understood.

Se, I has felings fur sumone. I tink he fels lik dat fur me to. But I dunt want to hurt im lik…

I stopped writing, I couldn't say more.

He put his hand under my chin and forced me to look up at him. I knew he could talk and was terrified he was about to say something loud enough for the other boys in the room to hear. Instead, he pointed to his chest then started tapping his head, nodding. He pointed down at the paper next. He picked up the pencil and started writing where I had left off. Where my writing looked like scratches in the dirt, his was flowing and looked more like the headline on a newspaper.

_Did Topper tell you how we met?_

I shook my head no when he looked up at me.

_We went to an academy for boys in Trenton. We lived there most of the school year. We shared a room and soon realized we had feelings for each other. My folks went on vacation for Christmas and left me behind, so I had to stay at school for the holiday. There was a teacher who watched over the boys who stayed. He was the one who hurt me. Beat me and then raped me, my wrist and several of my ribs were broken struggling against him. For 5 days he kept coming back to do it all over again. I was in so much pain and frightened that by the 3rd day I did not even struggle. I just lay there crying. _

I looked up at him and saw tears starting to flow. He continued writing.

_When the other boys came back, I was a mess. I sat in our room screaming and crying telling Topper what happened. The next day was when the fever hit me._

I looked up at him when I had finished reading what he had written. I pointed to my ear, and he nodded. I nodded back at him.

_When I went deaf the school kicked me out. One time, when Topper visited my parent's house they caught us doing something they thought was wrong. They screamed even though I couldn't hear them. Topper left, but climbed into my window that night. He had a sack of belongings on his back. And he started packing my stuff. I had no clue what was going on. I finally made him stop and tell me. All he wrote was, Mental Institution, sexual deviant, deaf and dumb. So we ran away together._

I looked at him and pointed to the pencil. I flipped the page and began writing again.

_Doin sumthin? Das ya mean ya do dat to ech oda?_

He nodded.

_But it hurt so bad._

I broke down in sobs and Jumper put his arm around my shoulders till I calmed back down. Then he took the pencil and crossed out my last sentence and wrote:

_Not when you are in love._

I began to grow worried over the next two days as I watched Topper and Jumper sell off their morning papers quickly before again heading for St. Augustine Church. I feared that something was going to happen to them. When I tried to ask him about it he told me he would explain it soon. The sadness in their faces was a stark difference from their usual happiness.

There was silence in our room the next few nights. Although it was nice, it was almost disturbing not to hear a bed creaking or a muffled moan coming from their way.

The night before the fights I saw them head back to the bunkhouse early. Train was following them, and when he saw me he motioned for me to join. They all were quiet. There was no happy teasing from Topper, no complaints from Train, and worst of all no grin on Jumper's face.

We all sat around the table where we usually played cards. Everyone was silent and most of us began smoking. I looked around expecting one of them to start talking. The silence was getting to me, but I just couldn't bring myself to break it. Since neither Topper or Train seemed willing to speak I began staring at Jumper. When he finally made eye contact with me I frowned and scrunched my eyebrows together to show him my concern. He looked at me for a moment and then away again as tears came to his eyes.

Topper moved closer to him and then looked up to me at last. "Train and I enlisted, we're going to fight the Spanish."

I began choking on the puff of smoke I had been inhaling. After a few dry coughs I regained my composure. "Ya joined the army?"

"Actually we joined the Navy, but what's the difference. We will still be endin' up down there." Train replied in a daze. He was staring off at the bunks most of the boys slept on. I could tell he was regretting leaving them all.

"They didn't even ask how old we is. We just volunteered and said we was orphans. Can't be too bad, a warm bed every night, three square meals a day, more money then we could ever earn on these streets."

Topper exhaled a stream of smoke and let out a short laugh before saying. "And all ya have to do is let a few hundred Dons use ya for target practice." He watched Train with a sadness in his eyes and held Jumper who now had tears streaming down his face.

When he looked to me I asked, "What's gonna happen to Jumper? He can't keep sellin' papers without ya. I could try to help him, but I don't know how good I'd be at it."

Topper's eyes closed then, and I could see emotion flood his face. The pain was clear, but I saw flashes of anger and despair dance across it as well.

"The sisters at St. Augustine Church helped us find a benefactor to get him into the Columbia Institution for the Deaf and Dumb."

I could see him cringe as he said the last word, but he soon continued on. "They can help him learn to read what people are sayin' just from watchin' their mouth. There is some gesture language he will learn to use and they teach real University classes now. Sister Margaret says he did well on the tests. It's gonna cost a lot, but between what the state pays to take care of him, and what I will make in Navy, it should be enough for him to go to school."

I listened to him as his voice became clear and proud as he spoke. His accent faded as he finished talking. He looked down at Jumper who was still crying, tightened his arm in a hug and kissed him on top of the head.

"We'd better head to bed early, gonna be a long day tomorrow." He did his best to smile at me as he tapped Jumper's hand and pulled him up to leave.

Train and I sat in silence until the rest of the boys began filing in for the night. He watched each boy come in and greeted him by name. Every one of them glowed with pride at being acknowledged by their leader. Praise from Train was rare, but when received it was an honor.

After the last of the boys had headed off to their bunks, Train went around blowing out the lamps burning in the windows of the two bunkrooms. I followed him outside as he made his rounds to the older boys who slept outside during the summer. He clapped them each on the back, asking them to watch for any visitors and listening to any news they had. When he finished, we headed back to the bunkhouse and up the stairs. Before he entered his room, he turned and faced me, "Promise me ya will take care of my boys when I leave, Spot."

Me? He was going to leave me in charge of Brooklyn, I was barely turning 15! With both Train and Topper leaving there were still a few older boys. Several muscles that Train sent out to do work, but I understood that he trusted me. I had always done my best to look out for the younger kids, as I had seen Train do. When they didn't have food or couldn't afford to pay for their bunk, I did my best to help them. For the young ones I had earned their devotion a long time ago. With the older boys it was a show of power, I had learned how to talk to them from Topper, and when my opinion was asked, I did my best to be fair, but firm, I had earned their respect. I had learned what I could from the two best leaders I could have wished for. I would make them proud.

I nodded my head, "I promise."

He turned away from me with a look of resolution and headed to his bed. I crept quietly to my own room, and fell asleep to the sound of Jumper's soft crying.

The next morning I was woken up by a glaring sunbeam coming through our window. It was hot in the room, though once I got outside there was a cool breeze coming off the water. I went over to the water pump outside the house to get cleaned up for the day.

I climbed up on the posts over the dock while I waited for the others to finish getting ready. My favorite place to sit was near the end of the dock. I could see everyone entering and leaving the bunkhouse, as well as all the ships that were down the line.

When Train waved in my direction, I knew it was time to head out for the day. I was half way down from the post when I stopped to watch a group of boys coming around the corner of a warehouse about a block away. I tried to make out who it was, but they were too far, and as they slowly approached a few of our older boys ran towards them. As they stood there I finally noticed one boy remove his hat; but it wasn't a typical cap that most newsboys wore, it was a cowboy hat. Manhattan had arrived.

Blink PoV

Jack had us get up early before the rest of the boys. There were four of us going; Jack, Mush, Racetrack and myself. We had invited few of the others, but most couldn't afford to take a busy holiday like this off, especially not with new picking at the start of this war.

We grabbed our clothes and went to the washroom. When Mush peeked out he came back to tell us that some of the other boys were starting to wake up, so we all quickly finished and climbed out onto the fire escape. We jogged a few blocks away to make sure they couldn't follow. But we had to slow our pace, it was much too hot a day for running. It was too early to go see if the sister's were giving out food that morning. When we passed bakery we went inside and pooled together some pennies to buy two sausages baked into biscuits, which we split between us. They were hot and fresh, and thus were devoured in minutes.

It took us almost an hour to make our way to the Brooklyn Bunkhouse. We hadn't been told exactly where to meet them today. We got a bit lost despite Jack's insistence that he knew the way. We finally found the pier and when we rounded the corner we could see a group of boys hanging around a building and a few sitting out on the docks. When we were spotted, several large boys began running towards us. Three of them stood, blocking our way.

"We're here to see Train." Jack said as he stared down the taller boy in the middle.

The boy glared back at him and said, "I'm sure you is."

Jack stepped in closer to him and pulled his hat back from his head. "You think I'm lyin'? Tell him Jack Kelly's here to see him. Now."

A moment later Train walked up behind the three. He told them to head out while he extended a spit shake to Jack. They finally smiled and began walking to where the rest of the boys stood staring. I recognized a few of them, I really only knew Topper his right hand man, and the odd silent kid Jumper. I glanced around trying to find the missing face, but I couldn't see him. I had hoped he was coming with us today, but maybe he had headed out to sell already.

Train turned to the boys present and instructed them. "I gave the older boys my permission to sell at the fights, Manhattan is welcome to sell there with us today. But I don't want to be seein' any of you others there. It ain't safe, too many pick pockets and a lot of Bulls. You young ones get seen there they gonna think you'se a thief. Just stay away." The smaller kids nodded in understanding, a group of boys around 12 year olds seem to be upset about the decision, but didn't seem to be willing to fight about it.

"Good, lets head out." He looked up behind where we stood next to Jack. "Spot, will ya get down from there so we can go?"

I turned around and looked up at the rope-covered crates standing on a platform above us. I squinted as the sun blazed into my eye, but I could make out the shape of a boy. He threw his leg over the side and dropped down just a foot from where I stood, barely hitting the edge and keeping from falling into the water. I saw a smile cross his face at my surprise, and I couldn't help breaking out in a grin. He tucked his cane back into his belt and then threw an arm around my shoulder. "Let's show these kids how Brooklyn does it business."

I heard Mush let out a laugh behind me, and I knew what he found so funny. Since I knew what Spot meant I just followed his guiding arm around my neck. We walked through the city talking; most of the younger boys chased each other and whistled at the gals walking past. As we headed into a nicer portion of the city, I could see where we were walking. A beautiful Catholic Church came into view and I could see two nuns standing near the gate with baskets beside them. A few shoe shine boys and some girls who were peddling flowers looked up at the group of over 30 newsboys and quickly scattered with their food.

"The nuns run our bunkhouse, but they are cheap so they put us by the docks. Keeps them off our backs though. They's too afraid to come to that side of town." I heard Topper explain to Jack. "Train has to bring them the money every week."

We watched Train walk into a door at the side of the church. The nuns smiled at us as they began handing out food. They offered each boy a choice of a meat and cheese sandwich or a pastry that seemed to have chocolate drizzled on top. My mouth watered as I looked at them. Most of the younger boys were foolish enough to take the sweets rather than the more sustaining sandwich. I followed their example and took one since I had already eaten that morning. Spot took a sandwich and took a mug of coffee before he sat down against the fence. I turned down the coffee and just asked for a little milk in my mug, then sat down beside him. We were joined by Race a minute later.

"That's it, I'm movin' to Brooklyn, they feed ya better here." We all laughed, and I chimed in that I would move too.

"Ain't like this everyday, last time we got food with no mold was Easter. And for that we had to sit through mass first. They just get in more of a givin' mood when it's a holiday." Spot replied when we had quieted back down.

We all joked about the food and our lodging houses as we ate. I watched Spot pick at the meat inside his roll. Once he had finished the meat and the cheese he handed the rest off to boy who had finished his already.

I leaned towards him and said quietly, "Ya can't be full, ya only ate half ya food."

He glanced up at me with an odd expression, then turned as if he was going to talk to the quiet kid, who took out a notepad and began writing. I couldn't see the words from where I was sitting and I just watched them curiously. As we waited there the bells in the steeple began chiming loudly, and Spot tapped the kid on the arm and pointed up towards the noise. We all hurried up and gave our cups back to the nuns.

We headed over to the distribution center down the street. While we waited in line I took another bite of my pastry. It was a real treat to get chocolate, so I decided to offer some to Spot. He looked at me with a frown.

"Are ya sure, it's real good."

I took another bite as I looked into his eyes and I was caught in his gaze. I slowly chewed on my bite and put the pastry right up to his mouth for him to take one as well. I saw a panicked look flitter into his eyes as he looked down at it, but when he looked back up at me he smiled and leaned in to take a bite. I let go of it as he bit down. He frowned again with the food hanging from his mouth. I couldn't help but start laughing and told him. "I've had enough sweets, ya can finish it."

I stepped up to the counter and bought a stack of 50 papers. When I turned around, he held the remainder of the pastry in his hands. He bought his stack of papers and then handed them to me.

"Hold these for me? I gotta use the facilities."

I took his papers and watched him head down an alley as he took another bite of the pastry.

When he returned he looked a little pale, but I couldn't ask him if he was ok. All the older boys had gathered around and we began heading down towards the fights. There were 10 boxing rings in the center of the square, and we could already see the crowds forming around the rings and overflowing down into the streets. This had to be a gold mine. I could see why the Brooklyn boys had each bought more than 100 papers. We agreed to meet back near one of the shops after we had sold our papers. Mush offered to sell with me like usual, but I told him to go ahead with Race since he knew the area well enough. Jack went off to sell with Train and Jumper and Topper automatically headed off together. I looked up at Spot and smiled.

"Guess that leaves the two of us to sell down the street."

He nodded with a small grin as we started off down the street towards the last two rings. It looked to be a good day.

* * *

So, this ended up getting really long, and there is another huge chapter almost ready, just putting the final touches on it! I hope to have it to you guys in the next few days.

I hate having to write Topper and Jumper out of the story. (I'll admit I got teary eyed). But thats probably because in my head they have this whole huge side story that you all don't know :P

BTW I'm a review whore . . . will do . . . almost anything for reviews

Thanks again to the greatest Beta in the whole of fanfiction! I'm glad you caught me quote, and get my jokes.


	13. Chapter 13

Spot's POV

I removed my arm from around Blink's shoulder as the Sister's came into view. I felt a moment of shame, and as we approached them I felt as if they could see into my soul. I didn't fear them on normal days, but with him standing next to me I grew nervous

We sat down near the gates to the church and ate our food. The slice of ham tasted good, though half way through eating it I could feel my stomach churning. I thought about discarding it at that point, but I fought the feeling off and forced myself to finish the meat and cheese. The bread I had no qualms about passing off to another boy. When Kid admonished me for not eating it, I quickly turned to Jumper and tried to look busy writing while asking him what I should say to Blink.

I hated to turn my attention from him for even a moment, but just as I was ready to give in I heard the bells begin to chime and we headed to buy our papers. While waiting in line, Blink offered me a bite of his breakfast. I had to admit that I hadn't had a sweet like that in a while, and when I watched him open his mouth wide to take a bite, my heart jumped. I looked at the offending pastry in his hand and then back at him. I wanted to pull him close and kiss him right there. I felt myself leaning towards him, my mouth opening involuntarily as I came closer. Blink shifted, his hand moving upwards as he moved closer to me. My heart was racing as he drew closer; and suddenly I realized I was standing there with a chocolate pastry hanging out of my mouth and a dumb founded look on my face.

He laughed and told me to finish it. I forced myself to swallow what I had bitten off while waiting for him to buy his papes. I felt my stomach rising as I quickly bought a stack of 100 papers. As we stepped back out onto the streets I looked at him and felt weak. I handed him my papers and mumbled something about needing to relieve myself. I quickly downed another bite of the sweet, knowing that it would have the desired effect. It was almost an immediate reaction, and I leaned over a sewer grate in the alley. A moment later I felt my head clear as my body felt clean again. I straightened myself out and returned to where Blink was waiting.

I was excited when he told Mush he was going to sell with me today. We strolled down the block selling papers together, a large crowd forming around us as the morning went on. He sold most of his off in the first two hours and then took over selling some of mine. Every few minutes he'd glance over my way and smile.

As we wandered down a side street, I saw him heading for a group of ladies that I recognized. He seemed oblivious to their status. He tipped his hat and began talking to them. They smiled at him and passed glances at each other. A bolder gal began flirting with him, placing her hand on his arm in an attempt to win his attention back from one of her friends. Blink just flashed a grin at her, and went on conversing with them all. I sat back across the street watching them. I could feel heat rising in my cheeks, I was jealous beyond reason and fought the sudden urge to haul him away, or just leave. But just as I was about to lose my control a cop approached them.

"Is this hoodlum giving you ladies any trouble?"

They quickly shook their heads and handed Blink money for the papers he held. He sold five papers to them and made 37 cents. I kept my mouth shut as we darted back into the crowd, away from the watching eyes of the cop.

* * *

Blink's POV

We sold off the last of the papers and began heading back to where we planned to meet others. It was getting hotter by hour. I found myself hoping they would all want to skip the fights and jump in the river until it was time for the afternoon papers. Spot had his sleeves and pant legs rolled up, and I had stripped down to just my undershirt.

When we reached the alley we had planned on meeting in, I saw everyone but Racetrack. Mush, who had been selling with hi, told us they were working some bets on one of the fights back down the street and that they would meet us at the distribution center later that afternoon. Then he slipped off into the crowd.

Train decided we would find a shop to get food and watch one of the less busy matches. We found a deli and bought sausages and bread. On our way back to the rings, Spot looked back at Topper to talk and ended up walking right into a man who stopped for a carriage. I saw his sausage go flying between the legs of the group in front of us and into the street. He cursed under his breath.

"Don't worry 'bout it, ya can have some of my sausage." I told him.

Behind me I heard Topper laughing at something and turned to see what was funny. He howled a second later as Spot backed up into him and stepped on his foot.

"Damn it can't move with all these people."

We couldn't find a place to sit and watch the fight, so we stood on some crates in the alley and ate our food. I ripped off part of my lunch and handed it to Spot. The fight was already almost over by the time we finished eating, both men were bloody from head to waist. Finally one fell to the ground and wasn't moving much more than pathetic attempts to lift his head. We waited another 10 minutes for the next fight. Topper and Jumper were sitting down writing on a piece of wood between them. Train and Jack just sat there talking about finding some booze for tonight.

Spot still held part of his lunch in one hand as he paced back and forth, smoking his third cigarette. The man at the side of the ring rang hammered on his bell to get the crowd's attention. The talking became quieter as the two new boxers climbed up into view. The guy that was facing our way had a head of curly red hair and pale skin.

"Relative of yours Spot?" Topper said smirking at him.

Spot tossed the last of his sausage at him and said "Ah shut your mouth," before heading over to Train who beckoned for a drag off his cig.

I glanced up as the fight started. The other fighter was a large guy with darker hair. He didn't hit as fast as the red head, but you could see there was power behind the swings. After two minutes or so of blows, the smaller guy went down. The brute spit blood to the side of the ring and turned towards us.

My stomach jumped into my mouth at that moment. And though I know now it was unlikely, it felt like he was looking directly at me.

"Jesus," was the only thing I could say.

I heard the others coming up behind me. Jack stood next to me, giving me a questioning look. I turned to face Spot who was stretching to see over Topper's shoulder.

"Spot, you're never going to believe who's fighting up there . . ."

I saw his eyes flash as he finished my sentence before I could.

"Brick."

I looked back at the ring, but heard a shuffling noise behind me and glanced back at Spot, who was turning white. He was slowly stepping backwards, looking at the ground. I saw him lose his footing and fall to the ground. Jumper stood up from his crate, taking a step towards him to help him up, but Spot rolled over on to his hands and knees, stood up and started running.

I watched him go for a moment before I took off after him. I heard the foot falls of the others following behind me. Train and Topper were yelling to him to stop, but he just continued to speed up. I saw him plow into people a few times, and did my best to side step around those same individuals as I sped up behind him. He was fast. Topper caught up with me and gave me a worried look. After about 15 blocks I heard less feet behind us. He finally turned and ran down an alley with a gate at the end of it. I was relieved that he would finally be forced to stop.

We slowed down our own pace. Spot stood with his forearms against the rails of the gate, staring at the ground. I started walking towards him, but felt Topper grasp at my arm to stop me. I shook his hand off and went to Spot. I placed my hand on his shoulder.

"Kyndall"

As I said his name, I felt his shoulder tense as he let out a pain ridden howl. I felt his shoulder turn beneath my left hand, and I moved my head so I could see him better, but all I saw was a fist right in front of me.

I felt the impact and saw a bright light. My head began to buzz. I could feel myself falling backwards and fought to regain my footing. But just when I thought I was good, my foot went through a piece of a wood crate and I fell backwards. I heard a loud cracking sound as my head hit something hard. I slowly felt myself drift off.

* * *

And we're back! Sorry it's been so long. Had a lot going on plus surgery. Not to mention my attention and heart was stolen by certain band from Ireland (Celtic Thunder). But now that I'm back in the flow of things this story should get moving again! Got another being edited and another almost done, so check back and there will be even more up by this weekend

Thanks a billion to the best beta ever! CES5410 Your rock girl!


	14. Chapter 14

Just to warn everybody, this chapter contains reference to rape, and if that is something that bothers you, might want to skip this part. My beta and I agree it is still Teen rating, but don't want anyone to be upset with me.

* * *

Spot's POV

I enjoyed watching Doug sell; his grin had the few women out there flocking. As the day wore on he started rolling down his socks and taking off his layers of shirts. By the end of the morning he had just a white undershirt left on, it was unbuttoned almost halfway down his chest. It glistened with a layer of sweat. I found myself staring at him whenever he was busy looking around.

When we arrived back at the meeting spot I saw Curly talking to the others. The loud mouth wasn't with him, and after a sneer in my direction, he left the group and headed back into a crowd. I followed the others as they headed to find food. We found a small place that wasn't as packed as the others. I looked at what they all ordered, and my stomach churned at the site of a sickly piece of gray sausage on a roll. I hated to waste my money on something so gross, but I didn't want to look poor, so I got one anyways.

The others started eating while walking, Blink taking a big bite of his as he walked next to me. He looked up and smiled at me while chewing. I brought mine up to my face and sniffed it. I could feel my stomach tighten as a wave of nausea hit me.

I saw the man in front of me stopping, and decided to bump into him. I fumbled the lunch around in my hands and let it fall to the street. "Damn" I whispered, glad to be relieved of that burden.

My ever-giving friend next to me immediately offered up some of his sausage My throat tightened at his words, along with other potentially embarrassing places located a little lower on my body. I heard Topper snickering behind me, and could feel the heat building in my cheeks. When I leaned forward to wipe my hands on my pants (and adjust my pants), I made sure to 'suddenly' loose my balance and step back onto his foot.

"Damn it can't move with all these people."

There was no where to stand where we could see the ring well. Especially not myself, being the shortest by several inches. I soon gave up watching. When Kid handed me his lunch, I ripped off a small section of it to eat.

I listened to Train and Jack talking about where they could find some cheap liquor. The leaders of Queens, Flushing and the Bronx were joining us later tonight, and they wanted something cheap but strong, so they could water it down and have enough.

Jumper and Topper sat their dutiful few inches apart on a crate writing back and forth. They liked passing the pen back and forth, and their hands kept making more contact then was needed to do so. They would never do anything obvious in front of anyone but the few Brooklyn boys who knew. Jumper had his head tilted in toward Topper as if he was physically resisting the temptation to rest it in its usual spot on his friend's shoulder.

I watched Kid as he gazed on to the fight. I had a hard time tearing my eyes away from him as he clenched his fists and tightened his muscles, twitching along with the fighters.

I kept smoking cigarettes while trying to choke down bites of the sausage. I had a pattern down to one bite, then one third of a cigarette. At the rate I was going, I'd need another pack.

I heard the bell ringing for the next match, and heard Topper shout out another of his typical Irish jokes. Since I didn't want to get another heated battle over it, I decided to solve two problems at once and chucked my remaining food at him.

"Ahh, Shut your mouth."

I headed over to Train, who had signaled me for some of my smoke. I handed it off to him as I listened to his conversation with Jack. As I listened in on them I heard Blink gasp from behind me.

"Jesus"

Everyone but Jumper hurried over beside him. I stood on my toes to look over their shoulders. I felt my heart stop. It was the face in my nightmares, the face that I saw every time I walked alone down a dark street in Brooklyn. I felt cold inside and heard my voice say "Brick", though I don't know how considering I couldn't breathe.

I couldn't look at him, I couldn't look at my friends, all I could see was the ground coming up to swallow me whole. I stepped back to get away from it, but felt myself sinking backwards. As I landed on my back, I felt a sickening remembrance of pain. I heard his voice in my head. I got up and I ran.

As I ran I could feel his hands on me. I could feel the pain in my shoulder as he wrenched my arm behind my back. I felt the crushing in my chest as he threw me up against the walls of the shower. And I ran faster.

I felt the pain in my knees as he shoved me to the floor. I turned the corner to get away from him, and I ran into a gate. I braced myself against it as I felt the searing pain behind me, and felt my soul dying. I fought to block it all from my mind as I heard a voice behind me. It was his voice, him grunting as I wept in pain, begging him to stop hurting me. Then there was silence. I thought it was over; then I felt his hand on my shoulder, just before it was about to shove me into the wall and send my head spinning.

But this time, I was stronger, this time I could fight back. I wasn't going to let him keep hurting me every time I closed my eyes. As he put his hands on me, I spun around to fight him off. I felt my hand hit his face before he stumbled back away from me.

I thought it was over, but I felt him rush at me again, his arms around my waist. He was touching me again. He was back for more; he would hurt me, and he would kill me. And then he would kill My Doug. I kept swinging with every ounce of my strength, my lungs burned, chest ached. The searing pain behind me; the source of the pool of blood beneath me in my dreams. All I could see was that blood. Everything was red.

I felt hands grasping both of my arms as the grip on my waist lightened. I felt myself sinking to my knees. I couldn't breathe. I felt two hands grasping the sides of my face. When I finally forced myself to open my eyes, I saw Jumper. I saw tears streaming down his face, the face of understanding. I felt myself gasp for air, and it went back out in sobs. Jumper pulled me towards him and I felt the hands holding me back loosen.

Train began walking away from us, but I felt Topper's hand on my back.

A few moments later, I heard Cowboy come running down the street towards us. He stopped suddenly by a pile of crates.

"What did ya did ya do to him, you Bastard!"

I looked at where his gaze fell, and there I saw him. His one eye turning colors and swelling up, blood dripping from his nose, and caked into his blonde hair. I could see his chest rising slowly. My Doug.

I quickly turned away from Jumper, flung myself to my hands and knees. I couldn't stop the waves of nausea, which continued into dry heaves. I wanted to die. I deserved to die. I hurt the only person in the world who mattered to me.

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To Be My Heart-I'm cranking out chapters again. So keep checking back, chapter 15 is already done and being edited. Hope to have it up for the weekend.

Shinigami-I'm glad you reviewed, I live for reviews. I haven't updated on Refuge, it takes awhile to get posted and it's a pain to reformat on there sometimes. And I've got a 2 year old, I can either write more or format . . . guess which one wins :P Blink and Spot have been my favorites since the movie came out! And when I looked for a basis for pairing them I saw the strike photo and they are practically hugging. Love it. I love Topper and Jumper, debating doing an off shoot story about the two of them someday. Thanks for the well wishes, feeling so much better!

If you guys haven't seen me say it before, I have the best beta in the world. I keep my phone turned up at night so I know when she emails chapters back to me because I can't wait to see what she thinks! CES5410 is the GREATEST!


	15. Chapter 15

I watched in silence as Train and Cowboy tried to wake Blink. He let out a few groans as they attempted to clean him up. My heart was breaking, and I had to resist the urge to go to him as Train adjusted Blink's hat to cover his swollen eye. When he wouldn't fully come to, he called Topper over to help get him on his feet.

"Help Kelly get him back to the docks, try to avoid the crowds."

Jumper didn't move from my side as the others hefted Blink up from the ground. As they started to leav,e Cowboy looked at me with eyes of ice. I didn't move from my seat against the building. Train took the cig that Jumper offered him and began to pace the width of the alley. I could tell I was one wrong word away from getting my ears boxed, so I kept my mouth shut and put my head down on my knees. I felt Jumper put his hand on my back. I held my breath for a moment so I would not jerk away from the touch. It wasn't until I turned my head to watch my friend's calm face that my anxiety calmed back down. He glanced up at Train who had finally stopped pacing. When I finally looked up at him I saw he no longer appeared angry, just tired.

"I don't know what happened back there. I don't need ta know. But I am just days away from leavin' this place forever, and you are the only boy I trust to take over. How is I supposed to just walk away when ya go and slug our closest allies?"

I felt horrible now; not just for what happened, but for causing problems for Train. What kind of leader was I going to be if I couldn't keep myself together?

He turned away from me quickly and kicked a can that lay nearby. "Damn it. I try showin' Queens and Bronx that we got numbers with Manhattan and Flushing backin' us, so they will think twice about startin' somethin'. And now we gonna lose the Borough?"

I stood up and walked closer to him. "I know I lost it today, Train. I promise it will never happen again. I would never let ya down like that. Brooklyn will be so strong that the others will fear us. Bronx and Queens be damned, they won't even breathe without our ok."

He looked at me skeptically for a few moments.

"I'll work things out with Blink, and I promise I can handle Kelly."

He finally relaxed his face and reached up to mess up my cap as he started shoving me to the end of the alley. Jumper got up and followed us.

We walked rather slowly, none of us wanting to hurry and deal with what was waiting for us. We had to skirt the edges of the boxing matches as we made our way back. I could feel my heart racing. When we were almost through, a drunk rammed into us and I felt the urge to run. If it wasn't for Train stepping in front of me quickly, I'm not sure what could have happened.

When we got back to the docks I saw crowds of boys standing around. Most of Brooklyn was stripped down and swimming in the river, the other boroughs stood in clumps eyeing each other. The only one I didn't see was Manhattan; I assumed they were inside. We met Topper at the bottom of the stairs waiting. He looked frustrated, but relaxed once he had his arm around Jumper's shoulders.

"Racetrack and Mush are up there with them. We put him in my bed. He's startin' to come around, but his face looks pretty bad."

I took off my bag and handed it to Jumper, and started to climb the stairs. I heard the others behind me. When I got to the hallway I saw Race and Cowboy standing by the doorway. Race's face turned red and he stepped towards me.

"Wait til I get my hands on ya, I'll kill ya!"

Cowboy shot out his arm in front of the smaller boy and told him to wait.

"I wanna talk to Blink." I told him.

"Ya think I'm gonna let ya near any of my boys after what ya did back there?"

"I snapped, I lost my control for a minute. Ya gonna tell me none of ya has lost your temper and just swung?" I could feel my voice starting to shake. I needed to see him; I couldn't let these two stand between us.

"Go ahead beat the life out of me, break my arm if that's what ya need to do. If ya think I'm gonna hit him, leave me so bruised I can't lift a hand to hurt him." I could feel myself shaking; I wanted them to let me pass so I could see Doug, though part of me really did want them to fight. I deserved no less punishment than I had described for what I had done to the person I loved. I glanced back at Train, Topper and Jumper. "But either way you will let me through, and I will talk to him."

I could see concern in Topper's face and confusion in Jumper's, but Train nodded his agreement. I knew he understood and would back me up. Cowboy and I locked eyes for a moment longer before he turned his head back into the room.

"Conlon is here Kid; he wants to talk to you." I heard a mutter come from the room.

"Mush, Race, let's go. We'll be down stairs, Kid."

Mush looked at Cowboy in shock as he came to the door and Race glared at him, but they followed him out the door, filing past the others and me. Race took up the rear and as he approached the stairs I took a step forward; and saw him twist into a punch right to my gut. I doubled over and stumbled forward. I looked back as Topper took a step towards Race, but I said "No." as I clenched my teeth from the pain.

Racetrack turned back to me and smiled, tipped his hat to Topper and followed the others down the stairs, Train following behind. Topper sat down and took out his pencil and paper. Jumper sat next to him, laying his head on Topper's shoulder with a contented sigh and they began writing.

I turned away from the two and headed into our room. I saw Blink lying on the bed. He had what looked to be my spare shirt soaked with water and over his bruised eye. Someone had pulled the old couch I slept on next to the bed, a bucket full of water between them. I sat down on it and it creaked. Blink pulled the shirt away from his face and turned towards me.

"Kyndall?"

I could see the blood dried up around his nose. His eye was swollen shut and turning an awful shade of purple and black. I could see him try to open the eye, but it would hardly move.

"Yeah Doug, it's me."

We sat in silence for a few minutes before he asked, "Are you ok?"

I laughed lightly, a little surprised that he would ask me that while he lay in the bed bleeding and unable to see. "I am now." I watched his face as he just thought.

"Did he hurt you, too? I mean he tried to . . ." His voice trailed off. He turned his battered face towards me, his features falling into a frown.

I choked back the emotion threatening to overtake me. I stood up from the seat next to him and walked over to the small window in the room and looked out, quickly wiping away the small tear that formed in my eye. I took a deep breath and walked back over to the bed, sitting down next to him and grasped his hand.

"I'm the one who's supposed to ask if you're all right."

He smiled up at me and nodded; a quick wince as his head wound rubbed on the bed. "A bit sore, a bit tired. Startin' to see clearer." He squeezed my hand, and we sat in silence for awhile.I heard a knock at the door and jumped up, letting go of Blink's hand. Topper came into the room followed by Mush.

"Train wants you downstairs. He's wants ya to go get food with the big guys before the fun begins."

I looked back at Blink as Mush sat down on the couch near him. Blink lifted his head up to look my way and I told him, "I'll bring ya back some food."

He nodded and winced again, growling at his own forgetfulness as we headed out the door. When we got to the top of the stairs I heard Mush call out, "I'd like something to eat too!"

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Thanks for all the reviews guys. I PM'd most of you this time. Hope to have 16 up on monday. 17 is almost done . . . its about to get interesting . . . Hope you guys enjoy this one!


	16. Chapter 16

The buzzing in my head wouldn't stop. I could feel myself floating on the edge of thought. I heard voices around me, and I could feel blood running from my nose. I couldn't make out what anyone was saying. I felt my hat being moved and winced as it rubbed against the wound on the back of my head. Two sets of arms hoisted me to my feet and a throbbing pulse joined the buzzing in my skull; I felt myself sinking back into the dark. Suddenly we were moving. One set of arms had grabbed me around the waist to stand me up. I tried to open my eye and see who was with me, but try as I might I couldn't force it open more than slightest bit. It was all a blur; nothing but light and my own eyelashes which were flooded by tears.

I could feel the blood oozing down my face as we hurried through the streets. The further we got the more clear my head became. I started to put more weight on my own feet. When we had neared the docks, I could hear the voices of other boys around us. As we approached the building they were taking me to I heard feet running towards us. I could make out Mush and Racetrack's voices, but the words were still hard to understand against the buzzing. They helped me inside and sat me in a chair. Awhile later I was able to understand more of what they were saying. Despite the fact it sent me spinning, I tried to talk; the sound of my own voice was like an explosion in my head.

"Where's Kyndall?"

No one answered me. "Where is he, where is Kyndall?"

I heard Mush questioning someone. "How hard did he hit his head?"

And then Racetrack echoed, "What's he talkin about?"

I still couldn't see much beyond my own lashes, but I stood up and turned towards the door we had entered from. "Where is Kyndall?" and raised my voice louder, "SPOT?!" With that I felt a wave of blackness flooding over me.

I felt a pair of arms catch me. "Let's get him up to a bed."

I had no strength to argue at that point, and let myself sink into the arms lifting me by the shoulders and another set lifting my legs. I could feel them lay me on a bed, and it felt much better to be laying down. The buzzing quieted down and the pounding stopped. I heard Jack, Race and Mush talking at the door, and heard another set of feet coming into the room. He set something down and a few moments later I felt cool wet cloth against my face wiping at the blood.

"I hope Spot doesn't mind me using his shirt." He laughed to himself.

"Topper, where is he?" I asked grabbing for the arm in front of me.

"Shh, don't worry. He's with Jumper and Train, they were givin him time to cool down. I'm sure they will be here soon."

"What the hell happened? It's all a blur in my head. He hit me?"

"Yeah Kid, I know he didn't mean it though."

"But why? What did I do?" I thought back to all that had gone on today and then a face flashed in my mind. "Brick."

"Bastard took your eye . . . but some wounds ain't that easy to see." With that he walked out of the room.

I lay there for a few minutes thinking, remembering the refuge and the night Brick put out my eye. Suddenly it hit me. That look on Brick's face and his hand on my thigh, him trying to pin me to the bed.

I knew then. It made me sick to think of it.

"No!" I cried out. Hoping God or someone would take that image from my head.

I heard the others come back in the room. "You ok, Kid?"

"Yeah." I answered. At least with my eye swollen and watering they could not see the tears that sped up as imagined my friend's pain. I heard voices coming from down stairs, followed by Race.

"Wait 'til I get my hands on ya, I'll kill ya!"

My heart raced, as I knew I couldn't get up to stop him. I heard arguing down the hall as Mush got up and walked away from me. I knew it was Kyndall. Jack called into the room, "Conlon is here Kid; he wants to talk to you."

"Send him in Jack, its fine, I want to talk to him."

"Mush, Race, let's go. We'll be down stairs Kid." I heard them leaving and some shuffling in the hall before they went down the stairs.

I saw a blur enter the room and sit down next to the bed I was on. I waited a moment before asking, "Kyndall?" I tried to open my eye further, but try as I might I could not force it open against the swelling.

"Yeah Doug, it's me." I relaxed when I heard his voice. It felt nice knowing he was there, though it made me sad I couldn't see his face. We sat in comfortable silence for a time.

"Are you ok?" He laughed dryly at my question and I heard him shift in his seat before responding that he was. I needed to know for sure and so I decided to ask him out right. "Did he hurt you too? I mean he tried to . . ." I couldn't bare to finish my question. I tried to turn and look at him, but my face froze as I wanted to cry at the thought of his pain.

I heard him stand up and walk away from me. I wished I could see him to grab his hand and pull him back. His breathing was ragged and shaky, after a moment he took a long slow breath and walked back towards me. I felt the bed sink as he sat down next to me. I fought back a smile as a warm firm hand gripped my own.

"I'm the one who's supposed to ask if you're all right."

I couldn't resist the smile any longer and let it slip through; I didn't trust my voice enough to speak. So I nodded, and regretted it as the wound on my head rubbed against the pillow, stinging against the coarse fabric. When I told him I was doing better he gripped my hand harder. All too soon there was a knock at the door and I felt his grip loosed as he abruptly stood to answer it.

"Train wants you downstairs. He's wants ya to go get food with the big guys before the fun begins." Came the voice that entered the room. I heard someone come to sit on the chair next to me but couldn't make out the face. I lifted my head to watch Kyndall moving.

"I'll bring ya back some food."

I nodded at him and growled at the pain that intruded my happiness. I nearly jumped when I heard Mush sitting next to me call after them to bring him food too. He leaned back and kicked his feet up on the side of the bed.

"What was that all about?" He asked.

The only response that I gave him was, "We met in the Refuge." And that ended the questions. None of us wanted to talk about or remember that place. Nothing more needed to be said. "I'm gonna sleep for a bit, Mush. Wake me up when the party starts." I closed my eyes and drifted off into a fitful sleep, trying not to think about Brick and the Refuge.

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I hope you guys enjoyed these two chapters as much as I liked writing them. Finishing up 17 today. Hope to have it up in the next few days. Do you guys like the format? Would you prefer longer chapters with both POV? Or do you like frequent updates with just one side of the story? Let me know in review or in a PM!

Thanks as always to my beautiful beta, one of the few you likes my insanity!


	17. Chapter 17

The wait was eternal. We ended up heading to a small Italian joint near the docks. It was barley lit and pretty run down, but it was one of the few places in Brooklyn that didn't object to our presence.

Most of us ordered the cheapest food on the menu; noodles with a meat sauce, most likely rat. Since I had very little intention of eating much and because I wanted to bring something back to Doug, I choose instead to get some sort of sandwich. I sat in my seat watching the others talk as I drank my third cup of coffee. Train and Topper chatted away with the leaders of the other boroughs and I piped in when necessary, if for nothing else than to appear to care. I, however, preferred to observe. I sat next to Kelly who was deferring to Train on most topics. Considering his age and the low standing of his bunch, it was a wise move. If it wasn't for his cocky attitude towards me and that grin making me want to punch him, I could almost like the guy.

If the meal had lasted much longer I would most likely come to blows with Racetrack. He blathered on half the time about the greatness of Italy, their food and their women. As if he had ever spoken to or been with one.

When most of the boys had finished eating they began to get restless and Train stood up to catch everyone's attention. When the tables of boys quieted down his face went serious, and he finally told them his reason for asking them all there. He pretty much said the same things he had said to the group of Brooklyn Newsies the night before. I felt all eyes shift to me when he announced me as his successor. I felt them sizing me up and did my best to seem indifferent to their gazes.

I continued to appear enraptured by Train's speech as I sipped from my cup a bit more and slowly puffed on my last cigarette. A few older boys from Bronx and Queens admitted they had thoughts of enlisting as well. Which was good news to me; if all the older boys left everywhere, the playing field would stay even, and very little power struggle would occur.

Once he was through speaking he told them that to celebrate the night they were all welcome to come back to the docks for a bit of games and drinks. This brought about a lot of chatter among the boys and most got up quickly to head out. I began stuffing the sandwich into my news bag when Train called me over to where he stood with Topper and Jumper. He told us to find some booze and then meet back home. He and Kelly were going to nab some as well.

We hurried through the streets searching for an easy bar to target. When Topper spotted one that might work the two of us slipped inside the crowd of drunken men, while leaving Jumper waiting on the corner outside. When we made it to the back, Topper reached around the end of the bar and grabbed a bottle of booze, which he quickly hid under his vest. I looked around and saw the door to the back room slightly open. I peeked inside and saw no one, so I quickly slipped a bottle inside my newspaper bag. As I turned to leave I saw boxes of cigs and cigars on a shelf and quickly tossed in a box of each. We were heading to the front door when I saw a cop eyeing us. Topper turned slowly towards a table and the officer began stepping towards me. I continued to walk to the door, knowing he would follow me out. So I abruptly turned and bumped into him. The man looked startled as I apologize and stuck my head back in the pub.

I slipped into my native accent and yelled "Da? Da, ya hear me?" I saw a number of men through out the place turn to look at me. Once I had their attention I continued my performance. "We gotta get home Da, Mum needs us to bring home the milk for baby Margaret." Most of the men just waved me off or ignored me, so I turned and stormed out of the place, bumping the cop once again. "I beg your pardon sir." And tipped my hat and sat on the curb outside the place.

After eyeing me for a moment more he began walking away. Once it was clear I waved at Topper through the window, and we began quickly making our way towards Jumper and home .I walked faster than was probably necessary to get back. Topper and Jumper didn't bother to keep up; they were content to stroll slowly through the streets.

It was crowded all around the building; most of our boys were seated around the docks playing cards or swimming. When I entered the room I could see that Train and Kelly had beat us back. The older boys were already passing the 3 bottles they had nabbed around and I added the bottle of whiskey I had taken to the table. Once I had most of them looking my way I slowly drew out the box of cigars from my bag. Several guys moved in closer to take a look at the goods. I saw Racetrack drooling a bit as Train opened the box.

"Cubans? Where ya dig these up?" I could see the cocky look on Race's face fade, fighting to hide his smile at the sight.

Train took a few and passed them out to the leaders. Kelly took the offered cigar and handed it to Racetrack, "You owe me Race." The loudmouth nodded and began sniffing his treasure. "Anyone got a match?"

Train looked over at me, and with a sigh I went into the bathroom to get some candles and a match. With the sun setting it was time to light the oil lamps anyways. I knew I'd offer up some of the cigarettes, but dumped a handful into my pocket first, and threw my bag back up onto a hook. I lit candles and placed them in tin shaving cups before heading back into the main room. Two of the younger boys took a candle each and began going around the room lighting lamps. As it brightened, I carried my single candle back to where everyone was gathered with the cigars. I threw the box of cigs down on the table to another round of excited mutterings, and everyone dove in to light what they could get.

I was tired of this crowd. I had had enough of all these leeches, and the only thing I cared about was upstairs in Topper's room. I looked around at everyone playing poker and rummy, and my eyes rested on a half full bottle of rum. I knew there was enough left to get me numb for a couple of nights. I took a swig of it and talked myself into going upstairs. At the last minute I remembered the sandwich in my bag and ran back to grab it.

When I reached the room I found Blink propped up in the bed, with Mush sitting there trying to entertain him with a story. The latter gave me an odd look. "You bring food?"

I sighed and walked towards him while ripping off a section of the sandwich. "There's whiskey and cigars downstairs."

He jumped up at that point and ran to the door. With a large portion of the food stuffed in his mouth he yelled back, "You mind if I go for a bit, Kid?"

I watched as Blink waved him off with a smile on his face. Closing the door part way behind me, I took another swig from the bottle I had carried up with me before setting it on the floor by the bed. "I got ya a sandwich. It's not much."

He lifted his hand and I grasped it, placing the sandwich in his hold. He propped himself up further on his side and slowly ate a few bites.

"This is really good."

"Best not tell Racetrack that, he'll never shut up. Especially once he starts comparin' the buns to big breasted Italian women." He laughed, but I soon watched his smile fade. He stopped eating a moment later and looked ill. He started sinking forward onto his hands while still holding the sandwich. I grabbed him by the shoulders and helped him lay back onto the bed.

"I guess my head still ain't ready to sit up." He joked as he slowly pulled off pieces of bread and popped them into his mouth.

I picked up the bottle from the floor and had a third drink. I decided then to tell him about Train and Topper leaving, and me taking over. He didn't seem surprised much, and asked me a few things about it. After my fourth chug, he looked towards me funny.

"My eye is doing a bit better, I can see that bottle."

I hoped he wasn't seeing well enough, as my cheeks reddened. "Just a bit that we picked up to celebrate." He nodded and winced. "You wanna sip? Might make your head stop hurting." I hated seeing him in pain. "Even Jesus drank wine, ya know."

He looked at me hard for a minute, and then slowly started propping himself up, "I guess it can't hurt."

When he began to sway I swung my arm around his shoulders and pulled him up towards myself. His hands seemed shaky as I handed him the bottle, so I helped him guide it to his mouth. He made an awful face as he swallowed and set it back down on the bed. I continued to hold him against me, and he didn't seem to mind. He laughed and then put the bottle back to his lips and took about 3 chugs more.

"Woah, careful there, you might not have a stomach for this stuff."

I took it from his hands, downed another few gulps and set it on the floor. I felt him begin to shift around so I helped him lower himself back down to the bed. He was quiet for a very long time, I assumed he had drifted of, so I got up to light the lamp with the candle I had carried up. The sun had set and the moon was just starting to shine into the bedroom window as I stared out, watching the boys below jumping into the bright water. I heard a laugh come from behind me and when I turned back to Doug, he was looking my way. Despite the swollen eye and the patch, he still looked like a god to me.

"You know Kyndall, all the time we were apart, it gave me time to think. You know I missed you more than my family? More than my real brother. It was like you were the brother I was supposed to have. Like we weren't supposed to be apart."

I wasn't sure if it was really him talking or if the alcohol had already taken hold in his head. He reached down and picked the bottle up from the floor and drank from it again. I walked over to him and took it when offered. I tilted it back and finished the last few swigs myself, wondering how we had finished half the bottle already. My heart was racing and I was starting to feel real warm from head to toe.

I sat next to him on the bed and reached over to hold his hand. He placed his other hand over mine and began to trace his finger around the back of my knuckles and down around my wrist. I could feel myself becoming aroused at the sensation of his skin on mine. I bit my lip as I sat there waiting, afraid to move. I felt pins and needles all over my skin; I couldn't speak and forced myself to breath slowly. I was afraid he might stop if I said a word. It seemed like an eternity before he broke the silence.

"I almost miss the Refuge, and the nights we had to huddle together for warmth." He said sounding almost sleepy.

I took a deep breath and replied in a whisper, "Me too." I said turning towards him.

I felt him release my hand and I immediately felt a cold emptiness inside. He moved towards the wall, and suddenly his hand was clutching the sleeve of my shirt, pulling me to lie down beside him. I felt my heart beat faster as I froze, his leg had brushed up against my already tightened pants as he moved to make room for me. He didn't seem to notice and I gritted my teeth to fight back the sound trying to escape. I pulled my hips back, almost hanging off the bed in an effort to avoid further contact.

As I laid my head down on the pillow he smiled and looked up at me.

"Much easier to see you now."

I crossed my arms over my chest and stared back at him. I fought hard to resist my urge to touch him, but then his left hand reached up to my cheek and began tracing my ear. I felt like I was melting. His hand moved to the back of my neck and his fingers ran through the ends of my hair; the moan that I had been fighting to hold back escaped from my lips.

His smile grew and I couldn't help but smile back. We stared at each other in silence. Before I knew what was happening his mouth was pressed up against mine. It took me a shocked second to react and for my own lips to match the flowing movement of his own. I was in heaven. I moved my arm around him and pulled him closer. For a long moment I felt his body pressed up against my own; his stomach coming in contact with my ache. He froze suddenly, then slowly drew away from me.

"I really did miss you Kyndall."

I could only nod back at him and say, "I missed you too."

With that, he smiled and caressed my cheek again before closing his eyes and drifting off to sleep. I cursed my body and myself, but at least he hadn't asked me to leave. I lay awake for a long time after, fighting off the daydreams in my mind. I could hear the ruckus coming from down stairs. Shouting here, a crash there. The light faded as the oil in the lamp went out.

I must have drifted off at some point because I was woken up by the sounds of Topper entering the room. I lifted my head to look at him and he nodded with a smile on his face. He removed the key from around his neck and locked the door from outside. Soon after I heard him slide it under the door. I smiled to myself, and knew that despite its small size and leaking roof, I'd stay in this room when the others left. It had its perks.

I fell asleep happy that night, My Doug in my arms.

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Thanks so much for all the great reviews guys, it means alot to me!

Things are finally starting to get good me thinks. Now just so you know I plan on keeping this T rating atm, I know personally as a parent I don't like the idea that kids can just access stuff on here without at least lying about their age. :P I'm going to try to get up to date asap on The Refuge, and as I go on from here I am kinda thinking about making extended versions that will be posted on there and be entitled as .5 chapters. I can't promise anything at this point but we'll see. What do you guys think?

Just so you guys know I really really do have the best beta in the world, I couldn't keep doing this without her. Especially with how much time that girl has been having to put in lately. I've been doing too many rewrites!


	18. Chapter 18

Warning this may be a bit more mature than Teen? Not really sure . . .

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I was glad that Mush had agreed to be the one to stay back with me, some time was needed to process all that had happened that day. I dozed on and off during the three hours that Kyndall was gone. When we heard the Brooklyn boys outside splashing in the water, I knew my friend was dying to join them. I suggested he go, but he shook his head no and insisted on telling me a story he had heard from Racetrack.

"One of Medda's dancers is havin' a baby and he heard from good source that the father was one of the other acts in the show."

I waved him off, "It's probably one of the Chinese acrobats she had performing last month."

"Nah, I think it's the midget; that's probably why she ran away. She was scared she's gonna have a baby midget."

I did my best to look towards him and try to make out his face. From what I could tell, he seemed serious, "There hasn't been one in the show for over a year."

He shook his head, his curls flapping in the air, "Yeah there is, I saw him just last week. He's in that duo act with the other guy. He comes out and sits on the big guy's lap and they tell jokes."

"Wait, do ya mean the dummy?"

"Well I think the big guy is the dumb one, the midget seems pretty smart."

I sat up part way dumbfounded and confused, but when I saw his face I realized he really didn't get it, or maybe he needed glasses. I then realized it wasn't worth the argument. I was starting to feel really tired again so I lay back down and closed my eyes.

"Go swim Mush, I'm going to sleep." I heard him slip out the door awhile after, and eventually I drifted off.

I heard him come back in the room awhile later with Racetrack and they were joking around. "Gonna be a party here tonight, they promised some drink. Though why we'se celebratin' that scab takin' over beats me."

"We need Brooklyn beside us; otherwise we look like easy pickins to the others. Do ya think we should wake Blink?" Mush questioned him.

"Don't need to, I'm up already, just listening to you big mouths blathering on."

"If you wasn't hurt I'd pop ya one, Kid! Mush, ya stay with him. I'm going to go wait for the drinks and then I'll come back up so you can get some." Race responded before heading back out the door.

"Why am I always the one left behind?" Mush mumbled as he sat down near me.

It was getting darker in the room as we talked. My back and neck were starting to ache from lying still for so long so I had Mush help me position the pillow on the bed over a blanket so I could sit up a bit more. Mush tried to tell me another story about this one legged prostitute that Race knew down by the tracks, it was so outrageous that if I had been able to roll my eye I would have. We started to hear a commotion coming from down stairs; there were a few hoots and hollers every couple of minutes as more voices joined in.

Mush paused when we heard someone opening the door to the room. I couldn't quite make out the figure; I assumed it was Jack when Mush asked, "You bring food?"

As the person approached I could see that it was too small to be Jack, and I smiled when I heard the voice, "There's whiskey and cigars downstairs." Kyndall was finally back.

I saw Mush jump and run out before a muffled, "You mind if I go for a bit, Kid?"

I waved him off and smiled as I watched Kyndall walk back over towards the door and close it. I was glad to have him back. I reached for the sandwich he offered me and felt him place it in my hand, the closer he got to me the easier it was to make out his features. I tried to sit up closer to him as I took bites of my dinner. It tasted wonderful and I told him so. After a dry comment about Racetracks opinion of the food I turned my head to smile at his joke, but soon regretted it. The world began spinning and I felt like I wouldn't be able to keep down the few bites I had just eaten. I fought with my arms trying to force them to hold me up, but I soon felt his hands grasping my shoulders to guide me back down to the bed.

I took a moment to breathe and then told him, "I guess my head still ain't ready to sit up." The hunger got the best of me again as I began ripping off pieces to eat lying down. I saw him lift a bottle off the floor and drink from it. It was a dark brown color, though I couldn't yet make out the words on it.

When he told me that he was taking over as the leader of Brooklyn I wasn't surprised. He was smart and strong despite his small size, and I had known the war would take its toll on our numbers; the money was just too tempting to us poor boys.

I saw him lift the bottle to drink again. I heard him swallow a few times and wondered just how much he was downing. I didn't like the drink, especially after watching my mother. Though I had to admit I was curious about its appeal. I tried to force my eye to focus better on his face, but it was difficult to stare for long.

"My eye is doing a bit better, I can see that bottle." I told him.

He froze and seemed nervous when he answered, "Just a bit that we picked up to celebrate." His voice sped up when I nodded; the burning pain of my head against the pillow made me wince. "Ya wanna sip? Might make your head stop hurting. Even Jesus drank wine, ya know."

I could see the logic in his argument, and the concern in his voice made me happy. I decided to give in and try just a sip. "I guess it can't hurt."

I tried to sit up again, but only made it halfway before my head began feeling like it was filled with water, and my brain was swishing back and forth. I felt like I was going to fall over when suddenly his right arm wrapped around my shoulders, pulling me against him. Kyndall felt steady compared to the ever-moving world in my head, and the heat of his skin was a delightful contrast to the cool breeze coming in off the river. I lifted the bottle he had offered me, my hands trembling as I started to bring it to my lips. I felt his firm grasp take hold of it just below where my own were. I took a swig from the bottle; It tasted pretty bad, and I set it back down. A few moments later I began to feel warm, I wasn't sure if it was the booze or the body of the boy holding me. I thought of the stern look my father would be giving me if he were here, his face turning red as he saw the bottle and then exploding when he noticed the arm wrapped around me. I laughed at the image in my head and decided to hell with outer darkness and damnation.

I lifted the bottle quickly back to my lips and began chugging until I heard Kyndall saying, "Whoa, careful there, ya might not have a stomach for this stuff." I felt him take the bottle from me and he drank more before putting it on the floor. He was right, my stomach was churning; I felt it was best to lie back down for the moment.

I closed my eye and waited for the swimming in my head to stop. After a few minutes I felt him get off the bed and move across the room. I could hear the boys outside and down stairs, and then the sound of the glass tinkling as he lit the lamp, the room growing brighter. It reminded me of my brother getting up before dawn and lighting the lamp in our small closet of a room before work, and how the room would heat up when he lit the fire in the kitchen. I was starting to feel warmer now; my whole body felt like a thick blanket had been thrown over me. And the swimming in my head felt more like the foam from the ocean; it was a strange feeling.

I took in the fuzzy image of the boy silhouetted by the light. I pictured him stripping down and opening my head to jump in and swim in the watery, fuzzy ocean foam that sloshed around in my head. I started to laugh suddenly, but stopped when he turned to me. He had a concerned look on his face, and my mind shifted back to my brother Ryan; who despite being kind never liked my jokes. I always felt ashamed to tell Ryan what I was thinking; he always thought I was childish. Not Kyndall though. He may not laugh, but he always smiled when I told him what was racing through my mind.

"You know Kyndall, all the time we were apart, it gave me time to think. You know I missed you more than my family? More than my real brother. It was like you were the brother I was supposed to have. Like we weren't supposed to be apart." I could feel my throat tighten, effectively blocking my voice, and a tear was fighting its way out of my eye. I felt like a fool again and hoped Kyndall wouldn't berate me like Ryan. When he didn't respond, I reached down and grabbed the bottle to take a few more sips.

When he finally walked towards me I stopped and handed the bottle back to him, which I watched him tilt back and finish. He stood there for a minute before sitting on the bed near my knees. I felt his hand wrap around my own as I lay there on my side. I reached over with my left hand to cover his, running my finger along the scrapes that covered his knuckles and feeling the calluses on the edges of his fingers. His grip tightened around my hand and I felt him relax again as I traced the bones and veins on his wrist. His hand was warm.

My body began to feel sluggish. I was starting to feel cold as the breeze began to blow stronger into the room. "I almost miss the Refuge, and the nights we had to huddle together for warmth."

I heard his quiet response and decided I needed that warmth; I needed him to hold me again and keep me warm. I quickly let go of his hand and rolled further onto my right side, shifting so my back was pressed up against the wall the bed was against. I reached up to pull on his shirt until he laid down facing me. I shifted my legs to make room for him in the small space, and I felt my thigh graze something and became worried about where I'd hit him, when I heard a small hissing sound escape his lips. He shifted back, separating from me a bit more, which made me sad for a moment until his head was on the pillow just a few inches from my face. I could see his smile and his eyes looking back at me.

"Much easier to see you now."

His smile grew, but he still seemed tense, like he would jump away from me at any moment. I didn't want him to leave me; I wanted his warmth next to me, to feel his skin against mine. I reached up to touch him, to make sure he knew he was welcome next to me. His cheek was warm under my hand as I stroked it, and as my fingertips grazed his ear I felt them grow hot. His hair was getting longer than most boys kept it and I began to play with the little swirling curl that formed at the side. As my fingers ran along the nape of his neck his eyes closed part way and a low sound escaped his lips. I felt something jump inside me as he returned my smile. Before I could even think twice about what I was doing I kissed him. I felt his resistance to my intrusion and almost pulled away until he suddenly softened and began kissing me back, gently at first and then with vigor.

I felt like I was in a haze as his arm moved around back and pulled us closer together. I felt raw emotion taking over as I began to form myself to match him. And then I felt it, a firmness pressing against my belly. It took my impaired mind a moment to process what had happened, but then it hit me what I was doing and I froze. I slowly pulled myself away from him a few inches.

I saw the shock and fear in his eyes and immediately regretted my actions. I couldn't think of what to say to him, other than what I felt at that moment, "I really did miss you Kyndall."

He nodded and said, "I missed you too."

When I smiled at him and caressed his cheek again the worry lines on his face softened. I was really tired and my brain was too fuzzy to process any more of what had happened to me, to us. I closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep.

* * *

I woke up several times during the night to sounds coming from down stairs. Mostly drunken fights and songs coming from beneath us. I saw light coming from the door at one point but my eye was so caked with tears I couldn't make anything out. Every time I awoke I felt Kyndall's warm form next to mine, his arm wrapped around me. I got uncomfortable at one point in the early morning and shifted to roll over. He continued sleeping as I faced the wall, and I felt him roll into my back as his arm wrapped around my chest. I could feel his warm breath on the back of my neck.

As I lay there feeling him against my back, his body touching my bum, I began to feel something stirring within me. I liked the feel of him pressing against my back, and began to want more pressure and feeling. I slowly began to arch my back into his body. I felt him shift a little with me, and he seemed to still be asleep. I waited a moment and tried it again, this time a little further, and he rocked himself towards me. The pressure on my back felt amazing and what had begun as a slight morning arousal started growing. He began to stir behind me, and lifted his head off the pillow. He must have been convinced that I was still asleep and he lay back down. As he pulled away a bit, his hand brushed my butt as I assumed he adjusted himself. I felt bad but continued to lie there; when he relaxed I again felt the pressure of him against my back and as his hand came to rest on my hip I grew more excited. I slowly reached my left hand down to do a little adjusting of my own, and was a little surprised at my own reaction, and by how much effect the act of touching did to my mind. On the edge of my mind I knew it was something forbidden, to touch myself for enjoyment. It was something my father had told us never to do. Thinking back over the last 12 hours though, kissing Kyndall, sleeping in his arms, what could it hurt?

I reached my hand down hoping to relieve some the pressure building inside of me, and for the first time I felt something I had never truly felt before. Lust.

I only stroked it once and jumped at the sensation. I felt Kyndall move a bit, his hand shifting on my hip. I suddenly had the urge to roll towards him just to allow his hand to brush against me for a moment. The thought made the ache worse, and I slowly began to roll towards his hand. As the tips of his fingers grazed the inside of my thigh I had to bite back a squeak in my throat. I lay still for a moment stealing myself to finish the movement. Once his hand was resting against me, I felt something within me begin to squirm and I fought the urge to move against his hand. I felt myself jump under the pressure of his touch, and his hand shifted suddenly.

"Doug?"

I froze and quickly rolled onto my stomach, stifling a grunt of pain as I planted my body firmly against the bed, crushing myself. My face planted in the pillow; I waited a moment for my head to stop spinning, then turned to face him. Kyndall was looking at me with an odd half smile. I felt my face begin turning red. And I was horrified that he chosen to wake up at that moment. My mind raced as I tried to come up with the right words, to make it all go away.

"You ok?"

It took me a moment to regain my composure. "Yeah, umm, I just really need to pee; do you think you could get one of the guys to help? I don't want you to have to try to carry me alone if I pass out again." I could barely get the words out and my voice cracked half way through. He nodded and slid to the end of the bed, grabbed something off the floor and slipped out of the room. I groaned into the pillow and fought the feeling in my stomach; even the feeling of pressing against the bed felt good. Worried about them finding me in this state when I returned, I quickly decided to clear my gummed up eye of the dried tears and rubbed it hard, hoping it would erase the evidence. It began to have the desired effect, and I did it several times while waiting for Kyndall to return. I had a long wait in which to regret my actions.

* * *

Thanks for reading guys, and for all the wonderful reviews! I love hearing what you guys think.

I hope to have 19 done soon, not sure when exactly it will get posted with the holiday weekend, but I'll try to have it up asap.

Hope you guys liked this one! Thanks to my lovely beta for staying up late at night and chatting with me so I can get my mind straight on these chapters! And I hope she likes the ending, had a few different versions when she read it.


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